Bad...Ugly

 

And now for the Bad - what went wrong

I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible because I know that some of this would hurt peoples' feelings if they ever read it so I'm not going into detail.

1. People. There were a lot of people who should have been there and weren't. Chris's entire family was invited over a year ago and just a few months ago were talking enthusiastically about coming but a few weeks before they all came up with various excuses and said they weren't coming. I'm sure they weren't looking forward to the long drive (I know how long it is, we've driven up there twice in a year to see them) but it's not any longer than my family had to drive. I felt so bad for Chris, it really sucks and I can't help being angry about how they hurt him.

His own son couldn't make it a priority to come even though he too had been making plans just a few months ago. That one killed him and caused him to break down during the ceremony; I'm going to have trouble getting over it.

It wasn't just his family, friends of his that he invited, that said they were coming just a day before, didn't bother to show up or even let us know. 

2. Food. On the other hand, it's probably good that we had small numbers because we really didn't have enough food. I'm going to take part of the blame for this insomuch as I should have seen it coming and had a backup plan in place. But having a backup plan says that I didn't trust someone to come through for us and I didn't want to do that to them. It's not like there was no food, no one starved, but there would have been more if there had been better time management and planning.

3. Makeup and Hair. Right from the beginning I knew I wanted to get my makeup and hair professionally done but things happened, people backed out and I didn't want to burden anybody with helping me so I did it myself. I'm ok with the makeup and not getting lashes but I really wish I'd been able to get my hair done. Luckily my family kept telling me I looked beautiful and I felt good about myself so I was fine on the day and I don't hate the way I look in the pictures. Not that we have very many of them because...

4. Pictures. There are so many pictures we didn't get, so many moments that are lost forever. We were never going to be able to afford a professional photographer but someone in Chris's extended family agreed to use our camera to take the pictures but didn't show up and never texted/called to say they weren't coming but rather let us find out through the grapevine. I wasn't surprised, I had my doubts about this person, but I was disappointed especially for Chris who thought this person cared about him. There was a backup plan, I was assured I would still get pictures but that fell apart too.

5. First Dance. We didn't have one even though I'd picked out a song. The reception needed more organization, I was too busy fixing things that hadn't been set up correctly and time got away from us.

6. Cake. I really wanted a pretty wedding cake, I even had one picked out from Publix that was perfect with our theme but, as with the food, ordering that cake would have upset someone that said they wanted to make a cake for us so I didn't pursue it. The cake arrived so late that everyone had already gone home and we had packed everything up plus it was in real danger of toppling over so I didn't feel comfortable cutting into it and we couldn't anyway because the knife had already been packed away in our cars. The design would have been cute with more time and attention. I guess I needn't have worried that Chris would smash cake in my face. LOL But I really like cake so I regret not having one and I feel bad that our guests didn't get cake. Plus I had this custom cake topper made and it never even got out of the box. I think I might order a small cake in the design that I love for our 1 month anniversary so that I can use my cake topper.

The Ugly - what we don't talk about

The cake thing was the last straw and I ended the reception in tears. I had to go take a walk around the deck away from people just to compose myself. The good thing about that is I got a chance to see all our Nightmare Before Christmas inflatables set up out there along with the 10 foot tall Grim Reaper (I have named him Reapy) that had greeted all our guests. 

We also had these cute glass jack-o-lanterns that lined the railing and Chris lit the candles as soon as it got dark. I hadn't seen any of this because I was being kept out of sight until the ceremony started and of course I don't have pictures of any of this. It really looked magical out there and that calmed me down a bit so at least I could go back inside and not have my family ask me what was wrong a million times; they only asked half a million because anyone could see I was pretty upset. My sister was so sad that I was sad and it was a sucky way to end the evening.

The things that went wrong are things I didn't take charge of, I sat back and took people at their word and trusted them. I'm really not a control freak and didn't want to be a bridezilla but now I can see why that kind of behavior happens.

However, now that I've written it out, I can let it go. None of it prevented us from getting married and since the people that showed up are the ones that really care about us, they aren't going to judge or hold it against us. 

We have a shelf in our living room that holds some of the wedding items just to remind us of that special day. I smile when I look at it and I'm only carrying around the happy memories.

Good...

 

Here it is - my wedding recap...with a nod to a famous Clint Eastwood (former mayor of my beloved Carmel) movie.

The Good - what went right

    I certainly want to start with the positives because there are a lot of them.

1. We got married! Isn't that the whole point? Everything else that happens at a wedding is just icing on the cake...oh dear, don't get me started on cake.

2. The ceremony was perfect. It went exactly as I'd planned, Chris got emotional and told me I was beautiful. We had family surrounding us and friends witnessing the moment.

3. The Sand Ceremony. We got a bunch of different colored sand and got all the kids (grown, littles and grandson) and us to pour it into a container at the same time. The results are more beautiful than I could have imagined. The song Step By Step by Brandon Davis was playing and I took the opportunity to tell all of them that I loved them and would be there for them always. The container was an owl that Chris found and wanted to use for the sand because my late sister collected glass owls and he wanted her to be represented at the wedding which was so sweet of him.

4. The Music. I did a damn good job putting together all the playlists which made it easy for our friend Sean to help us out by playing just the right song at just the right time. I loved all the songs we walked down the aisle to and then we had 3 straight hours of Halloween/dancing music. At a certain point in the reception the song 'Somebody's Watching Me' came on and Cadence grabbed my hand so we could go out on the deck to dance to it because we are always singing that song at home. That's a sweet memory that will live in my heart forever.

5. The Venue! OMG I love, love, love that Train Depot venue. It was PERFECT for our group and gave us a lovely ceremony space. I hope to have all my parties there for the rest of my life, it was beautiful and private and amazing. It was the perfect choice.

6. Our decor. We spent a lot of time and most of our limited budget picking up spooky decor and it looked perfect in the space. Poor Chris did most of the decorating by himself because the people that were supposed to help him backed out and he did a phenomenal job. It wasn't easy lugging several storage totes up those stairs (especially with his knee injury) and then trying to figure out how I wanted it set up. He had insisted that we not see each other on the wedding day so I know it added stress to him to have to do it on his own. It definitely stressed me out now being able to help and, let's face it, control everything...and I'm not even a control freak. He did great.

These are the plates we used with matching tumblers for the drinks and we asked everyone to take them home as a favor from our wedding. Since so many people didn't show up we have many plates leftover so we'll just use them for our annual Halloween/Anniversary parties.

7. My family. I can't even begin to express how much I love my family and how special they were during this wedding. They had been there supporting us from the beginning of our relationship and they were so excited about coming to the wedding. It's a 7 hour drive from Alabama to where we live but they never wavered in their determination to come and they arrived on Thursday afternoon and stayed until Sunday morning. We got to spend a lot of time with them and they gave Cadence and I a place to spend Friday night because Chris didn't want us to see each other until the ceremony and Cadence wanted to stay with me. I love each one of them and it means the world to me that they went out of their way, drove 7+ hours, to be there for us.

They rented this amazing vacation house here in town, just a couple of miles from where we live, and that became our home base for the weekend. They arrived in town on Thursday afternoon and ordered pizzas for all of us for dinner. 

The next day while my sister in law, sister and I went to get our nails done, Chris made lasagna which we all had for dinner Friday night. Cadence and I spent the night on Friday (it was a 4 bedroom house with an amazing kitchen) and then we all went out to lunch on Saturday. It was the most time I'd been able to spend with my family in years. My brother (he was married to my older sister before I was even born) gave me away and did a wonderful job. Both he and my brother in law (married to my sister/niece) put a lot of thought into their costumes (it was a Halloween party after all) and it all made me feel so special. My new sister in law, she and my brother are newlyweds themselves, is an ordained minister so she did our ceremony and made it so personal and special. My sister (who is technically my niece but we grew up together so we're sisters) is my rock, my best friend, my most favoritest person in the world (after Chris) and my biggest supporter. I felt her love every moment of the wedding weekend and she looked so beautiful in her lavender dress. Nothing would have been the same without her. However, I have to give a big shoutout to her husband (who I've known for 35 years now) because he rocked it down the aisle as my Bubble Dude. He danced and pranced just like I wanted him to. It made me laugh and I've only seen it from the backside since I was hiding in the wings when he went out.

They are my people and I wouldn't have made it through the last 4 years without them so having them at our wedding was everything.

8. Our friends. We invited over 60 people and probably less than 20 showed up and that includes my family. I have feelings about the ones that didn't bother to make it but I will always be grateful for the ones that did, the ones that took time out of their weekend to be there with us. We had a great time with our friends. My boss and her daughter were there all the way from Orlando. She doesn't like going to new places so the fact that she came all that way and drove home in the dark means a lot. Chris's boss was there with his wife and kids, we love them. A former co-worker of Chris's came early with his fiancee to help Chris when the setting up process started to overwhelm him and some new friends were there who I hope will be a big part of our lives in the future. My favorite guests were the 3 ladies that Chris transports at 5am every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. They've formed a bond with Chris on those early morning rides so it was important to me that they were there and they looked like they were having a fabulous time. They entered into the spirit and came in costume and I loved meeting them and talking with them. Chris's oldest daughter was there with her boyfriend and our grandson and that was wonderful. They've been on the road truckers for the past few months so it was the first time we'd seen them since June. I wish Chris could have had all his kids there (his oldest son chose not to come which caused some tears on the wedding day) but we cherish the ones that made the effort...although I guess the 10 year old and 8 year old really didn't have a choice. Luckily they had a great day running and playing with some of the other kids.

9. My Charlie. And last but definitely not least - my flower girl was none other than our dog Charlie. She looked adorable in her little flower girl dress (which I'd had for years) and her pearl leash. She walked down the aisle with my 10 year old daughter and made her presence known by barking at the beginning of the ceremony but she settled down and was an angel the rest of the night. When I'd sit down at the reception she would take a nap on the train of my dress.

I will remember our wedding day with fondness because of all that went right.

But there's always a few things that are epic fails so next up:

The Bad - what went wrong

wedding!

 

This is going to be a quickie post - I'll share more tomorrow but yes, we are officially married!

It was a lovely day and we were blessed to have almost all of Chris's children and 4 members of my family with us along with our dearest friends and that's a blessing.

Were we disappointed by some people? Absolutely but now we know.

Did things go wrong? Oh yeah but the ceremony was perfect and that's all that really counts.

It was a whirlwind weekend from the time my family arrived on Thursday afternoon until we had a goodbye breakfast with them Sunday morning and I can't wait to tell you all about it - hopefully tomorrow.

It's been a helluva roller coaster these past 4 years, hasn't it? And now my "new" life begins which is actually just a continuation of the life I've been living for the past 2 1/2 years but now we get to get used to saying 'wife' and 'husband' and I wonder how long that will take. LOL

dress

 

After months of waiting, it finally happened

My beloved wedding dress is finally back in my arms and in my house. Oh the joy and relief.

I took the dress to be shortened back in late June. The dress fit perfectly, almost as if it had been custom made just for me, except when it came to length. It was way too long and I'm to0 klutzy to deal with that, it had to be shortened.

The alterations lady assured me it would be a fairly easy process so I left it with her. She said she had a big wedding for the middle of September but she should be able to get to my dress right after that.

I wasn't thrilled with having to wait all the way until September because why couldn't she do it in July or August but I really had no choice.

The middle of September came and went and I was trying hard not to be a bridezilla but I finally texted her on September 26 for an update. She said it wasn't finished yet but she'd get with me soon.

Her definition of *soon* and mine must be very different because I heard nothing from her during October until I finally broke down and texted just a week away from the wedding and still my dress wasn't ready but she promised it 4 days before the wedding.

4 days!?!

Yesterday I showed up at her house at our appointed time and no one was home and I really started to panic. Had she flaked out at the last minute? Her husband came from around the back and told me that she wasn't there and he thought she'd left to do a painting job. That didn't sound good but when I called her she assured me she was on her way home and would be there within minutes and I started to breathe again.

She had the dress on a mannequin in the front room and I started to tear up when I saw my dress again. It looked so vintage and elegant and beautiful, exactly the way I want to feel on my wedding day.

I've got to tell you, I've been in love with this dress since the moment I saw it. I didn't have a whole Say Yes To The Dress moment in a bridal salon, I didn't have an entourage come with me to pick it out, I didn't even go anywhere to pick it out. I found it online at a discount site and I held my breath and bought it just hoping it wouldn't be ugly. I was lucky, it was perfect and, as I've said, it fit perfectly. It's vintage and boho and flatters my figure. I can't stop smiling whenever I put it on and that's how I know it's the perfect dress. Even with all the upheaval in our wedding planning process, I've always known that I would wear this dress no matter where we said our vows and I wasn't going to be cheated out of that moment.

So I tried on the dress to check the length and she did a great job. I may not have enjoyed the process but I can't argue with the outcome. It's the perfect length, I won't trip over it and she even remembered to leave the train. Quite frankly the train is my favorite part of the dress, I just love the way it sweeps along the floor, and if she'd accidentally removed it I probably would have had a total meltdown. I've only had a couple of meltdowns in my life and believe me, they ain't pretty.

And wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles - it still fits! That had been an irrational fear of mine all summer, that somehow I'd balloon up and the dress wouldn't zip up anymore. I don't know why I was worried about that, all my other clothes fit perfectly and I haven't been overeating but nevertheless it was quite a relief when it zipped up without a problem. I didn't try to lose weight for the wedding. I've been a big girl all my life but since losing Taz I also lost weight and I'm ok with my body the way it is now, it may get even smaller in the future but I didn't need that for my wedding and luckily the dress is ok with that too. I figure if Chris likes my body, I should as well.

I paid, snatched the dress and got out of there. I'd been so worried that something would happen to take the dress away from me so I wasn't taking any chances. It's in my closet right now, will hang in my sister's vacation rental house on Friday night until I put it on Saturday afternoon.

countdown

 

We're so close now - only 4 more days until the wedding!

Since our theme is Halloween we've been spending most of our free time buying Halloween decor at Dollar Tree. Luckily they have so many things to choose from so we can indulge and not spend too much. Even so, it's adding up so I'm glad we only have a few more days.

We even stopped at a local thrift store 5 minutes before they closed and scored some spooky stuff including a cake knife that's perfect for our theme.

We've taken care of most of the important details like getting the marriage license. In Florida there's a 3 day waiting period but then the license is good for 60 days so, as of October 23, our license was ready to go. My new sister in law is a minister and she's going to officiate the ceremony which is a really special detail I'd never planned on but it's perfect. As I've said before, I'm thrilled that my brother has found love again so including his new wife just seems right.

I've put together playlists for pre-wedding, ceremony and then the Halloween party afterwards because I can't imagine a party without awesome music and spooky Halloween music is the best.

We spent Sunday morning out at our wedding venue taking measurements and making plans. We had found these cute little glass pumpkins on Saturday and planned on having 6 of them on either side of the altar but Chris came up with the idea of lining them all along the railing which surrounds the covered deck since we figure people will spend most of their time outside. I love this idea, it's going to be so romantic to have flickering lights surrounding us and since the pumpkins came from Dollar Tree buying 11 more wasn't going to make us broke.

We still haven't been inside the venue but it's basically a big room with brick walls and hardwood floors. It has 2 beautiful wooden tables where we can put the food and 8 folding tables for people to sit at. We'll put most of those tables outside but have a couple inside. We have a great Nightmare Before Christmas backdrop for pictures along with cute props so that people can take selfies. We can't afford a professional photographer so we're hoping our guests will take lots of pictures. Having beautiful wedding photographs was important to me but it's a dream I had to give up so we'll just have to find alternatives.

The wedding beauty prep has begun! I made appointments for my sister, sister in law and me to have our nails done on Friday but I went ahead and got a pedicure on Sunday and I just love my black sparkly toenails! My wedding shoes are sandals (with skulls!) so my toes need to shine.

I have given up the dream of having my hair and makeup done professionally and I'm just going to do my best. I tried to put on false eyelashes this morning and it was a laughable fail so I guess I'll just pile on the mascara. LOL

I finally get to pick up my wedding dress today! When I took the dress to the alterations lady in late June she said she had a big wedding the middle of September so she'd start on my dress after that. I emailed her at the end of September for an update and she said it would be ready soon, then crickets for almost a month. I finally texted her Saturday morning (1 freaking week before the wedding) and asked if it was ready and she said no, could I get back to her on Tuesday which, to me, meant that she hadn't even started it yet and was giving herself a few days. Luckily when I texted this morning she said I could come this afternoon. I can't wait to get that dress back in my hands. I didn't freak out too much because I actually have a backup dress. I don't love the backup dress as much as I LOVE my real wedding dress but I like it well enough that I could have been ok if it had been my only option. Luckily it didn't have to come to that though.

The only item hanging out there is the wedding food. My stepdaughter offered to do the food for us and I left all the decisions up to her but she won't be in town until Thursday and I have no idea what she's going to make or how/where she's going to do it but I'm just trusting that it will all be lovely. I know she's very talented and that's enough for me.

I'm taking off work Thursday and Friday to do last minute things. My family gets into town Thursday afternoon and have rented a vacation house near us. I plan on spending as much time as possible with them and I'll be sleeping there Friday night. Chris will be busy coaching basketball Saturday morning (he loves it so much and he's now coaching 2 different teams) but I plan on having a lazy quiet day with my family until it's time to get ready and leave for the wedding.

It's happening! It won't be the wedding I dreamed of but it'll be the wedding of my dreams.

dream

 

I'll be doing 2 posts today including a wedding post (4 days!) but I had a weird dream last night and I just wanted to write it down.

I dreamed I was out with a friend of Taz's, kind of a mercy "date" because he probably felt sorry for me. It had to be that because I don't think he actually likes me in real life. I was living with 4 roommates and we all know how much I hate a roommate situation so, in the dream, he probably wanted to help me get away from that for a few hours.

We were walking and talking and suddenly I asked him if he'd heard from Taz lately because I'd been trying to call him and got no answer and it had been a long time since I'd talked to him. In the dream I remember thinking this was unusual because he usually called me at least once a day when he was traveling.

In the dream it never occurred to me that Taz was dead but when I woke up I remembered immediately and the whole dream left me feeling quite sad for a number of reasons.

Like I've said, as we get closer to the wedding I have been thinking about Taz a lot and now I'm even dreaming of him in a roundabout way. It's unsettling but natural, I suppose. I'm about to embark on a whole new life without him and I miss him. I guess I'll always miss him.

changes

 

First things first - we came through the hurricane just fine. The storm went well south of us so we got a little rain and wind but nothing scary. One huge tree branch came down, unfortunately it landed right on Chris's fixer upper truck smashing the windshield, breaking the dashboard and denting the driver's side door, which isn't great but at least it didn't come down on our main vehicle. Chris is pretty sad and it's going to cost a fair amount to repair but it's so much better than a tree coming down on the house.

We never lost power so basically all we did during the hurricane was eat snacks and watch TV. Chris tried to get us to do a cleaning project but I informed him that was not how hurricanes are done, it's a time to goof off and eat and so that's what we did.

And now for some really exciting news - big changes coming to the wedding! Yes, we've got less than 4 weeks to go and yes, the original ceremony site is all set BUT it's no secret that I was less than happy about having the after party at our house. It's completely safe to say that I was most UNhappy about it until I got a great idea to check and see if there were any REALLY inexpensive places here in town where just the space could be rented out and we'd provide decor, food and music.

And by inexpensive, I meant CHEAP. There was one rental space owned by the town, near the park and it was ugly, just a plain conference room/community center but the price wasn't bad at all. I called this morning and was told it wasn't available because of early voting but then the city clerk said "we do have another rental space in town, it's new so I'm fairly certain it would be available on your date." 

And then she told me the space was the old train museum, a 1927 restored depot with brick walls, old wood flooring and a huge deck overlooking a park. OMG, every word of that screams Jonni, it's exactly what I would have gone looking for if I'd known it existed. I mean, I knew about the museum but had never been there and had no idea it had closed down a year ago and they decided to rent the space out. It rents for half of what the community center does (which was already a good deal) and it's just the perfect size for our group.

I had to pick Chris up from a doctors appointment so I figured we should run over to the museum (which isn't too far from our house) and peek through the windows although I had already decided we were moving the party there, sight unseen.

But when I looked through the windows I literally did a little dance because it oozes charm and character. It's my perfect wedding space and it'll be easy to make it a little spooky for a Halloween themed party.

The huge deck is perfect to put up our inflatable Jack, Sally and Zero (from Nightmare Before Christmas, our wedding theme) and we can plug in our fog machines too just to make it extra creepy.

After we looked at it Chris wanted to go right down to City Hall to ask a few questions and get the whole thing under contract. I had thought we'd rent it for 4 hours but Chris wanted to add a couple of extra hours in there for decoration.

Chris's oldest daughter has expressed an interest in doing the food and I'm going to let her roll with it. She is already baking our wedding cake and she's uber talented. I'm hoping she can use pictures from our wedding to market her own business doing party favors and cakes.

Now the big question is - should we skip the ceremony up in Orlando and just have a simple ceremony at the train depot? It would definitely make things easier from a logistical point of view because we wouldn't have to drive almost 90 minutes to and from. We could have the ceremony on the big deck, it would be gorgeous and then go right into the party. We could play music from our speakers and there are plenty of Halloween playlists to keep the music going all night and it wouldn't even be all night because we have to shut everything down by 9pm. LOL

No matter what we choose, I am SO much happier not having to worry about getting the house ready for a party!