never forget

3 years ago today a piece of my heart disappeared and will never return. Jasper, my beloved 15 1/2 year old Golden Retriever passed away, rather unexpectedly, and life has never really been the same.

It's not like I haven't lost dogs before, there have been several furry friends in my life since the age of 5 but Jasper was different. He was my child, my best friend and someone that loved me unconditionally and never, ever wanted to change me. He didn't care if I ever lost weight or wrote a book or took up a craft or went back to school. Everybody should have someone in their life that looks at them with loving eyes with not a trace of disappointment. I really miss him. You can read about his life here.

That's one of my favorite pictures. I used to love dressing him up in silly hats, trying to catch the perfect picture before he ran away, dumping his headgear as he made a break for it. He really hated wearing these goggles (Doggles) and they didn't stay on his face too long so I'm glad I snapped a great picture. I think it makes him look like a cool dude. He probably had a different opinion.

A few weeks after Jasper died I started wearing these two bracelets every day. I got the leather bracelet specially made (at Disney World) and the beads are a stone called red jasper. Since my baby was a reddish color, it's the perfect tribute. I'm almost never without the bracelets and they make me feel connected and provide comfort.

1,095 days down, a lifetime to go.

Time flies

I can't believe our wonderful,  marvelous and much anticipated week is over. By the time you read this we will be back in California.  Sigh.

We had so much fun. We celebrated my mother's 92nd birthday and our 28th anniversary.  We got together with dear friends as well as dear family that we're lucky to call friends as well.

We ate well, both at home and out. We swam and laughed and even cried...although that was from all the laughing.

It was great to have Shifu with us. We didn't have to worry about him being lonely at home and he learned that the world was bigger than he had ever imagined.

Of course I don't want to leave this home of my heart but I'm sure the ghosts at Tor House have missed me so I guess I must return to work and the real world.  Sigh.

More fun

Having a wonderful time, wish you were here!

Shifu got to visit with his grandma for the first time.  He was a little shy at first but soon was trotting all over her new place.

My mother's recent move meant that she had a rug that she no longer needed so I took it off her hands. It's just perfect in my sun room, I love it.

When not visiting Grandma, we're enjoying the wonderful sunshine, good food and the occasional trip for ice cream. I wish we could stay here forever.

Shifu flys

Darling Shifu had his first airplane flight today and he came through with flying colors.  Ha ha, get it? Flying colors?

Me, I was nervous the whole time. It's an awfully long time to be stuck in a little bag but he was a trouper and just slept through the whole thing. It was a pretty easy experience and it's great to be all together in a place we really love.

Fun in the sun

Shifu and I will be off for a few days,  catching some rays and celebrating an anniversary with Mr French. 

I'm not taking my computer (oh the horror) so don't expect any lengthy blog posts but maybe I'll share a picture or two of all the fun we're having.

prairie by the sea

Our big project this week has been a clean up of the backyard of our little coastal cottage. The previous residents left behind a lot of stuff in the yard and we may have gotten a little behind on the leaf raking and tree trimming last winter so some attention to the yard was overdue.

Lots and lots and lots of stuff went to the dump, I lost count of the number of broken plastic flower pots, but underneath the piles of branches and leaves, we found a few wonderful treasures that remind me of my beloved prairie.

 As a card-carrying "bonnethead" scholar of Laura Ingalls Wilder, I am so in love with this wagon wheel. It's a bit fragile, some of the wood would love to fall out, so I threatened everyone with bodily harm if they dared to move it. Nobody touched it.

I squealed for joy when we found this rusty windmill neglected in a corner of the yard. A little oil and love and it's twirling away once again.

I may not live out on the prairie (and since I am not a fan of snow, it's unlikely that I ever will) but it's fun to bring a little bit of the prairie to my home by the sea.

motivate me

Jealousy is both reasonable and belongs to reasonable men, while envy is base and belongs to the base, for the one makes himself get good things by jealousy, while the other does not allow his neighbor to have them through envy.

Aristotle

This is a hard post to write but it has been running through my head for days now and whenever that happens, I simply must write.

For the past few months I've been struggling with the emotion of jealousy, fueled no doubt, by all the decorating magazines and blogs I've been reading lately. It's hard to look at picture after picture of beautiful rooms perfectly accessorized and not be tempted to turn a more critical eye on my own humble abode.

Just the other day I spent some time "touring" a fellow blogger's beautiful home. Huge rooms, beautifully furnished, with perfectly landscaped grounds that would rival many resorts. For just a moment I questioned my own life choices.

Luckily those moments don't last long. I truly love my little cottage and don't long for a big house. It's a wonderful choice for other people but I prefer cozy, quirky and vintage which is good because that's exactly what I've got. Once I'm secure in that, I can channel my jealous moments into inspiration for making the most of what I've been blessed with.

I'm having a lot of fun defining and refining my decorating style so the motivation seems to be working. I spent the last 4 years in a bit of a fog, not really caring about my surroundings so it's a nice change to want to turn my home into a place of beauty...my own definition of beauty.

More troubling, recently I've watched people around me accomplish goals that are similar to mine but that I am not even close to obtaining. And for a moment, I feel extremely jealous. Why do they have a successful blog, why are they considered the expert in my favorite subject, why are they getting published and not me too?

It would be so easy to stop right there and wallow in my self-righteous indignation and never hold myself responsible for accomplishing something.

But I've watched envy and discontent ruin lives and I don't want to go down that road.

I'm also truthful enough to admit that I have nothing to be envious of.  If I don't reach my goals it's my own fault because I never get very far beyond the idea stage. I certainly haven't put the work into it that others have. I've got a lot of interests and all sorts of ideas for projects, articles, research and books but just having ideas isn't going to get me to the finish line. So I'm hoping to turn the whole jealousy thing on its head and use it as motivation to meet my own goals. A little judiciously applied jealousy has worked quite well with the decorating, no reason it shouldn't work with my life goals, right?

So for all you bloggers out there posting pictures of your beautiful houses, keep on doing what you're doing because you inspire me everyday with your creativity.

And for all my colleagues, fellow board members and relatives who are reaching new heights and fulfilling your creative goals, I am so proud of you (and yeah, teeny bit jealous) and will personally thank each one of you for inspiring me in the forward to my first published book.