dating

So here's the big question - how soon is too soon?

A friend of mine was recently talking about a co-worker who is a widow who has started dating again. My friend said "it hasn't even been a year yet and she's dating" with just a hint of judgement in her voice. I doubt she was even aware of it but it hit me in the face.

So clearly under a year is "too soon" as far as other people are concerned.

On the other hand, I've heard people say "it's been 2 years, it's time for her to get out there again" so 2 years is not only *not* too soon, it might even be too late.

And all of this only concerns women, apparently it's quite common for men to begin dating again in a short time but that might be because there are only so many single men to go around and women just throw themselves at them.

You may be wondering why I'm even thinking about this stuff but how could I not? It's not like I'm planning anything right now but it's still in the back of my mind that at some point I'd like to date again. I'm not very concerned about what other people think so I'll do it in my own time but it's interesting to me to see what the general consensus is.

There is a man at a monthly event I've attended for the past 8 months that is probably going to ask me out one of these days. He's certainly been working up to it and has found a way to increase the number of connections that we have. And I dread that happening because he seems like a really nice guy but not someone I'd like to date. 

But is that how I feel about dating in general? Nope. I kind of think I'm ready.

I would really like to find someone to be partners with, someone that sees the real me, that likes my unruly, hippie, rebellious side as well as the shy, quiet girl who can sometimes be unsure of herself. I don't want to play games or waste time with people that I don't have a connection with. I don't think I want to get married again and I don't want to be joined at the hip with someone, having to be together all the time...unless that's something we both want. I don't need someone to take care of me but I would like someone who wanted to take care of me from time to time, just like I would take care of them. I want someone who gets my sarcastic sense of humor and makes me laugh too. Someone who thinks I'm adorable because, let's face it, I am. ;-)

And I just read back through that list and now I know I'm delusional. A friend (who is the same age) recently expressed complete shock when I mentioned that I wouldn't mind dating again. She didn't say it but you could tell that she thought I was too old for anyone to be interested in me. She's probably right, men my age want to date 35 year olds.

And really, do I want to be that vulnerable to someone again? That part scares me and makes me want to rethink this whole dating idea. Maybe I want something much more casual. Well that would be a change, I've never done casual before and I'm afraid I could be a huge disappointment to someone that was only there for sex. What if I haven't been doing it right all these years? I've told you before that I was a REALLY good girl in my youth so my experience is limited. To be honest, that's my one regret in life, I wish I'd been a little wilder. Maybe what I lack in experience, I could make up for in enthusiasm! Yeah, it's probably not a good idea anyway, that's a whole different type of vulnerable and I'm afraid once a good girl, always a good girl. Merde.

Oh well, it's not like anybody is asking me out right now and I'm probably flattering myself to think anybody would. So I can look forward to lots of cold showers. Yay. Although it's so hot and steamy in Florida right now that a cold shower would actually feel pretty good.