I really should be used to it by now - the idea that life can change on a dime. You get one phone call and everything is different.
Last week started pretty normal. The kids and I had a holiday - no school for them and no work for me so I decided to spend the morning reading on our back deck. I had planned on enjoying this activity by myself since the kids had plenty of things to occupy their time but James thought I probably needed some company and spent the entire morning out there. He was wrong about me needing company, I was really craving some quality alone time but I keep reminding myself that he'll only be this little for so long and that one day I'll turn around and he won't want to spend so much time with me and I'll miss him.
So I gave up and took the kids to the playground, then out to lunch and then back to the playground and then back home where I finally got some reading done while they were off doing their own things. My only company consisted of Charlie and Willow, 2 of my favorite creatures.
It was during this reading/computer time that I came across some information that is a bit of a problem for our relationship but before Chris and I really had an opportunity to discuss it in depth (meaning without kids eavesdropping) he got a phone call which turned our world upside down. His adult daughter was in the hospital with a very serious health issue which usually only happens to older people.
We could only focus on this for the next few days and although we told the kids initially, we didn't want them to worry so we didn't share each new development with them. Cadence responded by organizing a night where we made get well cards for her big sister and that was a momentary distraction but the health crisis was literally the only thing we could think about and by Thursday we were rushing over to the other side of the state to be with her before and while she underwent emergency open heart surgery.
Let me tell you, if you want to lose a whole week's worth of sleep and lose a few pounds by not having an appetite, have your kid go through a life threatening health crisis and surgery that lifts her heart out of her body. From Thursday to Saturday afternoon when we finally got to talk to her in the ICU while she was in recovery, I don't think we ate or slept until we knew she was safe once again. Chris, especially, was under so much stress that we were both afraid he was going to have another heart attack. He lost his first child at 5 years old to a drunk driver and seeing his girl hooked up to machines in the ICU brought back all those memories and feelings. To be honest, it wasn't easy for me to be in ICU either, just walking down the hall hearing the beeps and seeing people lying in bed was definitely hard.
Once she was out of surgery, talking and eating (even though still in ICU) we focused on her son, our grandson, and took him out for a day of fun. He has been a trouper, being shuttled back and forth between cousins, uncles, grandmother and great-grandmother and only able to see his mommy once this past week. He doesn't know the extent (nor would he understand, he's only 5) of what she's gone through and she doesn't want him to see her while she still has tubes in her so he really needed some grandparent fun time and we were happy to provide that. He is such a blessing in my life and I adore the time we get him all to ourselves.
One last trip to ICU and we had to say goodbye and head back home to our jobs. I am beyond exhausted today at work, in fact I fell asleep in my office and woke with a start thinking I was back at the hospital. I got good sleep last night but it's going to take a while to recover from the stress and terror of the past 7 days.
One funny note - I spent a helluva lot of time with Chris's ex in-laws (and ex-wife) this past weekend and not only did we all survive, I think we really like each other so that was a bonus. But then, I'm adorable so what's not to like? ;-)
It's not like everything is normal again now, she has a long road to recovery, will be out of work for a few months and has to find a balance between rest and activity while her body is healing from all it has been through. The good news is that the surgery was successful and she's now better than new. We will have to make frequent weekend trips over to the other side of the state to help out the family who will be devoting themselves to her during the week. She has a great support system with her family and a loving partner so that's a great start.
And now that we're back and the crisis has been averted, I need to deal with the relationship. I dropped the subject while Chris was under so much stress worrying about his daughter but I can't just ignore it because I'd rather be by myself than with someone that I can't trust. I just wish I had somebody to talk to, get a male perspective, because this is new territory for me. It would be easy to sweep it under the rug for now but that's not a long term solution and I don't want to repeat old patterns. Pray for me.
