Monday, March 18, 2024

time with family

 


happy monday once again! see, i'm getting better at keeping y'all informed about my amazing life, right?


my weekend actually started on friday because i decided to take the day off from work (which had been incredibly frustrating all week) and go check out a couple of beaches i'd been reading about.

as you know, i keep trying to find the perfect beach/town that is within easy driving distance so that i can run there whenever i need a beach fix but also that would be fun to take the kids on the weekends.


unfortunately, the first beach i got to - sunset beach - wasn't at all what i was looking for. you can probably tell by the fact that i wasn't really smiling in this picture that i wasn't feeling it.

it's on the gulf side which automatically means it isn't really going to have waves but it was also just a little round circle of sand so it wouldn't even be fun to walk and by 11 in the morning on a friday it was crowded so i didn't even feel comfortable sitting on a bench to chill because i could barely see the water through all the beach chairs. too bad because it was an easy drive.

i went to visit the next beach about 4 miles away and it was more of the same, just bigger, and there you even had to pay for parking. i didn't even stop to take a picture, i just drove on.

i was going to check out a third beach about 40 minutes away but i changed my mind and just headed back home feeling rather discouraged because this little outing did nothing to take away my beach cravings.


on the way back, however, i decided to stop at a hawaiian bbq place i've wanted to try forever and that didn't disappoint at all.

taz and i loved hawaii and ate at a few hawaiian bbq/plate lunch spots when we were in the islands and also had a favorite one in california but i haven't been able to eat that way in florida until friday so it was a little taste of "home" for me.


then friday night we decided to take the whole family out and that was fun and, because i didn't order much because i was still stuffed from lunch, it wasn't even all that expensive; normally i cry a little when we see how much it costs to feed the 4 of us.




we went back to the place with the koala ducks and i got 2 more so now i have one in my studio, one in the car and one in the bedroom. i had a whole thing for koalas when i was a kid and this koala duck has reignited that obsession so i see a trip the zoo in my future because we're lucky enough to live near a zoo that actually has the little furry guys.


saturday morning we were up bright and early for a daytrip to visit my sister and now i get to finally share the most exciting news ever - she and her husband bought a house in florida!

They currently live in alabama and this florida house is going to be their retirement place BUT they aren't really at retirement age yet so they're going to go back and forth. my sister works from home so she can work anywhere and will spend more time at the retirement place than her husband will for now. 

the reason this all is really great news for me is that it isn't too far from where i live so we'll be able to see each other way more often. like saturday, we went to see the house then had lunch then came back and ran around in their (new) golf cart and then we drove home, all in one day.

i haven't lived in the same state as family since my parents and i moved to virginia when i was in elementary school so having my sister so close (we can call up on a weekend and decide to get together for a cookout or shopping or a movie) is a game changer for me.

plus the house is amazing! it's big and beautiful, has land and the wrap-around front porch of my dreams. the kids love it too, j stared at it when we drove in and declared he never wanted to leave and that was even before he got driven around in the golf cart.

i have these stools that i bought for my old house and there really isn't a place to use them in my current house but my sister has an overhanging kitchen peninsula where they would be perfect so i'm going to bring them to her the next time she's down there. it's something she can really use (forever or until she buys ones she loves but barstools are way down on her priority list) and i'll get the pleasure of seeing them so it's a win-win.

we're going to get together soon and go thrift shopping for furniture and decoration for this new house and that will be super fun. i think we have similar styles and i have all sorts of ideas about this place.

i really want to decorate the bedroom i've chosen for myself and chris and make it a sanctuary for when i'm up there. i know i'll have to let her granddaughter use it when she visits this summer but the rest of the year - it's mine!

speaking of things that are mine - i got to spend some time in my studio yesterday, making a few pair of earrings for an upcoming trip and it was lovely. we bought c a sewing table of her own that will fit perfectly in her room and then she can either decide to start using the sewing machine or not - it's up to her.

but i am making great use of my studio and i was definitely inspired yesterday. in fact, the earrings i'm wearing in the picture at the top of this post are my own design combining 2 stones i really love - turquoise and pearl.


i sought refuge in my studio yesterday after a full weekend of peopling (this includes my own family) which was so much fun but i was drained and my battery needed recharging. and i wasn't the only one - charlie was quite happy to jump up on the trunk and take a nice long solitary nap away from children.

all in all, it was a fun 3 days and i look forward to more fun outings with my sister and her family for years to come.

but for now, i have several days with just christopher to look forward to as we're going to spend a whole week together on a road trip that we're calling our honeymoon since we only had a couple of days right after the wedding. it's not the beach but it's just as fun in my book.

can't wait to share pictures and tell you all about it!




Tuesday, March 12, 2024

studio

 


yesterday i promised i'd show a picture of my new and improved studio so here it is


that thing to the right of my table is the bunk bed frame turned up on its end and chris added a couple of boards to the front to stabilize it.

i want shelves along the back but on the sides i want pieces of plywood where i can put hooks to hang strands of beads on one side and leather, hemp, string and wire on the other side. chris wants to put doors on it so that you're not looking directly into the shelves. apparently he isn't convinced of my ability to keep the shelves tidy. i seriously can't imagine why. LOL

even today, just walking into that room makes me happy, it feels light and bright in there and full of possibilities. and i do have things in mind like starting an etsy shop and making up business cards so that if someone sees me wearing a unique pair of earrings and comments on them i can whip out a business card which directs them to my shop. it may never happen but it doesn't hurt to be prepared.

i've been reading some of my old blog posts and sometimes it feels like i'm reading about someone else's life. i miss so much about my old life, especially my house in california and all the work i put into giving it a style. i have so many memories and i sometimes feel like i've already lived so many lives and now i'm the only keeper of those memories.

before i sink into melancholy, i need to finish washing the dishes, folding the laundry and fixing dinner (along with my full-time job) because school is almost out and everybody will soon be home. we're having a baked tortellini casserole with meat sauce for dinner tonight, what are you having?

Monday, March 11, 2024

clearing a space

 


happy monday to everybody!

i'm at work right now, literally, it's one of the 2 days a week that i drive 2+ hours into the city to work from my office. today has been interesting with employee drama and an unexpected visit from a former co-worker who we all thought had already left the state. usually it's just me and the boss at the office but today we had quite the cast of characters. it's been a fun day and right now i'm in the office by myself. now that the time has changed and we have more daylight in the evenings, i like to stay late until the traffic on the highway has cleared and my drive is so much nicer...plus, by staying that late chris has to feed the kids and i get home just in time to say prayers and send them off to bed.

i really wish i had some fun pictures to share with you of my exciting weekends lately but, quite frankly, the last several weekends have kind of sucked.

first there were a couple of rainy weekends where we didn't go anywhere and then a couple of weekends where i had things i wanted us to do but other plans and/or obligations kept getting in the way...or i thought they were going to get in the way and then they got canceled and it turned out we stayed home for nothing and that was even worse.

i guess i got into a real rhythm in my past life - taz always used to call me the director of fun and it was my job to find cool festivals or events or new places to explore and i took my job very seriously so we spent every weekend doing something fun even if it was just something little.

life doesn't work that way anymore. i still try to find fun things but sometimes chris has already scheduled something else, sometimes he works on the weekends when it's just the 2 of us, sometimes we go to do *my* fun thing and the kids complain so much that it isn't fun for me anymore and, of course, sometimes the weather doesn't cooperate.

it's kinda been a hard lesson for me to learn and i still haven't figured out how to have a better balance. i do know that i get super cranky when i feel like the weekend has been a waste and that's just not fun for anybody.

however, it doesn't really take much to make me happy - this past weekend it was just the 2 of us and i really wanted to go to the beach (still, haven't been in months even though i keep trying to plan for it) but chris, unexpectedly had to work in the morning so i took myself to a clothing shop and got something cute - definitely retail therapy at its finest - and sunday was supposed to be our beach day but chris had things around the house he wanted to do but a trip to outback steakhouse and an adult beverage that came with a cute koala rubber duckie made everything better. all in all it was the best weekend i've had in a long time.


here's an old picture of my studio. have you noticed that i carefully crop all pictures of the studio to only show my side? remember how i told you that chris had started making a sewing table for c out of an old bunk bed frame? i wish i had taken a picture of it because it was massive and was crowding out all of my space but that's the exact reason why i couldn't take the picture, it felt overwhelming to have it in my studio and i didn't want to document it. it seriously made me want to cry every time i walked in and saw it.

since c still hasn't even looked at the sewing machine since we gave it to her at christmas, shown absolutely no interest in it even though she asked for it, i saw no need for it to continue to take up space in the room. i also saw no need for 2 drawers full of j's toys and his lego table to be left in the room as well. chris agreed that c's sewing machine should really be set up in her room and we'll get her a nice little table for it and he also agreed that j's things really belonged in his own room.

but, he didn't bother doing anything about all of that so yesterday i decided that one thing that would really make it a great weekend would be to take those matters into my own hands so i moved toys, tables, sewing machine and sewing paraphernalia into their respective rooms and then i lifted the massive bed frame on its end and shoved it into the wall where it will be transformed into a storage cabinet for me.

it was a heavy beast but when i get an idea into my head, nothing can stop me. and now the room (which i wish i had a picture of but i don't so i'll post one next time) is so much better.

i feel like i can breathe in that room again. i hadn't even wanted to to go in there and create because it felt oppressive. i felt like something that had been created for me was being taken over and i was being minimized. i have a feeling it's kind of an analogy for my life so maybe that's why taking back the space has filled me with such joy.

so this past weekend was a good one and i plan on having many more good ones, i just have to clear the space for it.

there are exciting things happening in the coming weeks to look forward to, it's a new season and i'm going to make the most of it.

also, i'm just going to take a day off work and drive myself to the beach because i'm tired of waiting.

Thursday, February 29, 2024

peaceful evening

 


surprised to hear from me twice in one week? i'm really going to try to be better about documenting my crazy life.

so you may have noticed that i spend a LOT of time complaining about the kids...i've definitely noticed that. i confess that i'm having trouble settling into my role as a stepmom with almost full responsibility for taking care of them when they are with us and a house and food and laundry while also doing a full-time job. i think if i were younger i wouldn't feel so overwhelmed most of the time, at least that's the story i tell myself.

however, i don't want to complain today, i just want to talk about last night and how peaceful and wonderful it was to be just the 2 of us at home. the difference between last night and the night before (when disrespect was hitting an all time high) is like night and day. i need more of these days in my life.


that was the scene for dinner last night, doesn't it look delightful? chris came home at a decent hour (something that doesn't usually happen these days) and grilled a couple of steaks while also fixing rice and some hot dogs for his lunch today and it was so nice to have him make the effort and not leave everything for me to figure out.

the weather was perfect (i love this time of year) so we sat outside on our porch and just talked and laughed and it was nothing special but it was special, ya know?

these are the moments i live for.

Monday, February 26, 2024

hair and other fun stuff

 


want to know what i did all weekend? my hair.

i'm kind of obsessed with my hair, you might have guessed this with all the many (many, many, many) pictures i take of myself - i'm mostly documenting my hair.

i wasn't always this way, i have had freakishly short hair for most of my life. i blame my mother for the start of this because she didn't like having to remind me to brush my hair or spend hours brushing out tangles because i wasn't all that good at taking care of my hair so she chopped it all off in the 3rd grade and i stayed short-haired on into adulthood.

now that i have a girl of my own who isn't good at all about brushing her hair and winds up with these huge tangled mats of hair, i cut my mother a little slack because i can totally see why she got so frustrated.

but somewhere in the last several years, i started growing out my hair - mostly because haircuts cost too much money but also because i like the way i look with long hair and now my hair is like a living breathing extra person in my life. i'm always wondering if i should leave it loose or put it up or getting it caught on things or having it get in the way in intimate moments but no matter how annoying any of that is, i never, ever, ever think about cutting it.

i obsess over the color as well, mostly blond but sometimes branching out into red or pink.

pink was on my mind this weekend and i had this vision of going to the beach on sunday with the most delightful pink mermaid hair streaming out behind me so i bought pink hair dye on saturday and colored my hair that evening.

when i got out of the shower and toweled off i thought it looked a little darker than the cotton candy pink on the haircolor box but hoped it would lighten as it dried so imagine my shock and disappointment when i woke up sunday morning to find it had dried to a decidedly unpink, mousy brown color.

yuck.

i was born with brown hair and never really liked it so as soon as i was living on my own, i went blonde. i wasn't about to go back to brown now so (after canceling the beach trip, partly because of the hair and partly because of other reasons) i was off to the drugstore to pick up another box of hair color and get back to blonde. no, i don't go to the salon (although i would love to) because - yes, you guess it, it costs too much.

i normally don't like to color my hair twice in a 24 hour period because it's not good for it but i was left with no choice. unfortunately, as you can see from the picture above, i am still not a blonde. i'm not sure what this color is - i think it's kind of reddish - but it's not the wonderful "light golden blonde" that the box promised however i'm going to have to live with it for a little while because my hair needs a break. actually, i'm kind of digging this color for right now.


in other news, i was invited to come up to the main virginia office for an employee appreciation event to celebrate being with the agency for 5 years (which actually happened last year but they didn't have an event) and they were going to pay to fly me up there but only pay for 1 night of hotel. unfortunately none of the flights worked with that schedule and all the options they presented me with would have cost ME hundreds of dollars and they couldn't see their way to compromise and the whole episode left me feeling the exact opposite of appreciated so i chose not to go which is fine, not the end of the world except that i grew up in that area of virginia and haven't been back in several years so i was really looking forward to it. they invited 3 of us from the florida office to go there but 2 of us are among the lowest paid employees in the company and neither one of us could afford to go so the only one that actually went is the 2nd highest paid employee in our office and that kind of sucks.

so i have started putting my resume out there to see what else is there but i'm at an age where i really don't want to start all over again plus i need flexibility because of the kids' schedules and that isn't usually found, especially in  new job so it would work out best for me to stay in my current job but i feel i'm being undervalued and i'm so damned tired of never having any extra money. taz and i lived like that for so many years and it's not like i need a lot but i guess the sacrificing is getting to me right now.

there are so many things i'd like to do, the main one being able to travel, even just a little. i'm going to try to be creative and come up with some sort of way to have a little road trip just for chris and me. 


 the kids had a holiday from school last monday and i had a holiday from work so we hung out at a local playground and had lunch at a local fast food place we rarely go to because it's on the expensive side...so expensive, in fact, that when i saw that just 2 kid meals were going to be almost $20, i chose not to eat which made me a little cranky, to be honest.

and here's my confession - i get a little disappointed when i realize a work & school holiday falls on a monday when it's our turn to have the kids which means i have  them by myself for the whole day. i realize that's really selfish of me but it's not really a holiday for me when i have to plan activities and referee their fights...which are constant as they've gotten older. when we first started dating we only had the kids every other weekend so this never was a problem but that situation changed at some point and i've rarely had a holiday to myself since then. it wouldn't be as bad if chris had holidays too and then we could just plan something special as a family but you don't get a lot of holidays in medical transport, unfortunately.

ok, that's enough of my bitching because all the complaining in the world isn't going to change anything so i just need to adjust my attitude and carry on...me and my reddish hair. LOL

Thursday, February 8, 2024

welcome to my studio

 


we've finally made it to february! i swear, i think january was 782 days long.

something fun and new has been capturing most of my time these days - jewelry making.


now i know i've talked about this before and shown y'all pictures of some of my first earring attempts but shit's getting serious now.

chris spent both of his christmas and new year holidays moving rooms around in our house - moving boxes (pretty much all mine from my house) out of our spare room into the shed then moving j into the spare room so that he could set up my little studio space.

a jewelry making friend of mine told me a couple of years ago that to really get into making jewelry i needed a space dedicated solely to it, some place i didn't have to clean up after every session so that i could leave in the middle of a project and have it be there waiting for me.

i tried to do that on the dining room table (which we rarely use for meals) but it's also kind of a catch all space so my stuff kept getting crowded out. then i tried to set up a space in our bedroom but there just wasn't room and i never used it so chris took matters into his own hands and, voila, my studio was born.





i have been busy obtaining all the makings for jewelry and i've spent quite a bit of time in there coming up with designs and putting things together. my jewelry "company" is named skull baby boho so that's why some of my first efforts have been sugar skulls but i plan on having a lot of boho in there as well.

i've been working on getting the space as pretty as i can (even though some of j's toys haven't quite made it out of the room yet) and one of the first things i did was put up new curtains (see old curtains below)


because i want the space to feel as magical as possible and those boring beige curtains weren't working for me.


i also took back my mother's dress form (which i had given to c but she wasn't using it and had set it out in the hall) to hang some inspiration necklaces that have been made by others. of course i had to put a hat on it because i am all about hats and i think it looks cute.


i hung this sign on the door to proclaim to the world that this is my space but that's become somewhat of a problem. i started playing in my studio (and referring to it as *my* studio) during a weekend when the kids were with their mother and the more time i spent in there, the more i realized i wanted the whole space to myself even though chris had basically told c that she could use it too.

we got her a sewing machine for christmas which she has not opened or touched or shown any interest in but one night, while i was in another part of the house, chris started setting up a table for her sewing machine from an old bunk bed frame and when i walked in the room and saw my table and shelving kind of shoved aside to make room for this massive sewing table, i was feeling some kind of way about it. 

after the kids went to bed i walked in again hoping that my feelings would change but they hadn't and i got tears in my eyes because it felt like my stuff was being taken over for something for the kids even though they have large rooms of their own with plenty of room for their projects.

chris came in, all proud of himself for coming up with the design for the sewing table and asked me what i thought and i, very quietly, told him that it really bothered me to see all my stuff shoved in a corner and that i had never wanted to share the room in the first place. i had never voiced that outloud and i guess that's selfish of me but i feel like i've had to give up so much and i've done so many things for the kids and this was the first time something was being done just for me but now it wasn't. i guess i never should have put that sign up on the door and let myself think of it as mine. chris said he understood and will try to figure out how to move her sewing machine into her room. since she's shown absolutely no interest in getting the machine out of the box i guess there's no hurry and i'll just continue to work in my half of the room and ignore all the stuff that doesn't belong to me.

if it ever really does become my room, i have all sorts of plans for additional shelving and storage plus i'll need a place to store all the display items that i've been collecting to use when i start selling my jewelry at craft fairs.


but before i start selling, i'm going to have to get a lot better. sometimes my hands are so clumsy that i feel like i really suck at this even though i love it. i know there's a learning curve and i just need to keep at it. at least i'm having fun even while i suck!


Tuesday, January 2, 2024

hello 2024


 so here we are in a new year - it's 2024!

sometimes i feel like all i do is complain when i'm writing (but to be fair, that's kind of what i use this blog for so that i complain here and don't do it in real life) but when i posted something on facebook about my life in 2023, i was mostly happy with how the year turned out and couldn't even think of any regrets...except for giving some people a 2nd (100th) chance and finding out they were still the ungrateful, irresponsible people they'd always been. LOL

so i'm going into 2024 with hope and optimism. i worked really hard last year (not always succeeding) to make me a priority and not always give up my own wants and needs just to make my family happy and i'm going to continue that in 2024.

i always like to reflect and make promises to myself so here's what i hope to accomplish in this new year:

1. make time for my hobbies - chris spent most of his christmas and new year days off moving j into the back bedroom so that the middle room could become a craft room for me. i have dreams of making jewelry (and some other home decor items) and selling them online and in those vintage fairs that i love. now, to be fair, i've never really been all that crafty and i'm learning jewelry making from the ground up but i just feel like i'd be good at it once i get past that awkward learning stage. we'll see.

2. read often - that was a goal from last year that i really nailed and i want to continue. i'm a happier jonni when i get time to read.

3. travel - also last year's goal that i don't really feel i reached although we did take a family 2 day (cheap) cruise to the bahamas so that fulfilled a goal of going somewhere i'd never been and i often think back to that day on that perfect beach where i felt totally relaxed and happy.

4. vintage fairs - i just love visiting a good vintage market and last year's goal was to attend every single fancy flea. i almost made it, only missed one, so this year i'm going to try that again plus add in a few new markets. chris only kinda likes the markets, c loves them and j gets bored so sometimes i feel guilty hijacking weekend plans but i do enjoy going as a family and even j would rather do that than stay home and have to help with his dad's home improvement projects.

5. spend more time with my family - i got to hang out with my sister several times last year and we're planning on making it happen even more in 2024. she has plans that might allow her to live even closer to me and that would be the best. i have some lovely friends all over the world because of the internet (we were all internet pioneers 25+ years ago and made lifelong friendships) but it's still not the same as being able to hang out in person and my little sister (who is really my niece but we're close in age) is my best friend and partner in crime so to be able to be face to face every month or two would be heaven. i love the rest of my family too and hope to find a way to see each of them in person this year.

6. sing - i sang a lot last year but ended up having to drop out of chorus in order to attend c's middle school basketball games which was a sacrifice i was willing to make but it was still a sacrifice. i hope to find a way to sing a little closer to home and something that i can make a commitment to. i love to sing and i'm even going to explore doing it solo as opposed to a chorus; no matter what, i don't want to live a life without participating in music.

7. be adorable every day - i nail that one every year

christmas was good to us, we had the kids for the day and everyone enjoyed their presents. i made the whole dinner myself but didn't work too hard at it so i didn't end up feeling exhausted and resentful. i did a little extra for the day by baking cupcakes for breakfast and setting up a hot cocoa bar because, for the first time in 5 years, i was feeling a little more of the christmas spirit.





chris worked hard to build an organizing unit for all the beads and jewelry findings that i'm going to need to make jewelry. i appreciate the fact that he really wants to encourage me in this project. he ordered a bunch of beads for me but they won't arrive until next week so he spent all day christmas eve building so that i'd at least have 1 present on christmas day. i'm eventually going to paint it, probably pink.

we got the kids again on new years eve and we'll have them until they go back to school on january 9th so i planned a little new years eve surprise for them - we attended a party at a local water park. the swimming part was, of course, closed for the evening but they had music and firepits and cornhole and bounce houses and food for purchase and it was a fun time for all of us.

it was the kids' first time staying up until past midnight to welcome in the new year and, quite frankly, it was the first time in a long time for me too.

my parents and i always were up at midnight, watching the new york city ball drop on tv. taz and i used to get a hotel room and attend the hotel parties and dress up and it was so much fun. the last years we just partied at home with the tv and always drank a toast at midnight but ever since 2018, i haven't wanted to be awake when a new year (without taz) happened so this was the first time in 5 years that i stayed awake. it wasn't too hard to keep from snoozing though because it was DAMN cold out there. we were all freezing so at 11:30 pm i suggested we watch the fireworks from the car and everybody jumped at that suggestion. it turned out to be a great idea because we had a perfect view and the fireworks were quite nice. we watched the ball drop from new york city on youtube and participated in the countdown and it was kind of the perfect new years eve with kids. next year we will be without kids so i'm hoping it'll be somewhat more romantic but this was nice.



so here's to a healthy and happy 2024 for everybody out there - may the new year bring you closer to your dreams.