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"I'd like to add some beauty to life," said Anne dreamily. "I don't exactly want to make people KNOW more... though I know that IS the noblest ambition... but I'd love to make them have a pleasanter time because of me... to have some little joy or happy thought that would never have existed if I hadn't been born.” ― L.M. Montgomery, Anne's House of Dreams
Monday, October 31, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Home Alone
For most of the 25 years of my married life my husband has traveled...a lot. Because a lot of his traveling has been halfway around the world, he would often be gone for 2 weeks at a time just to maximize his time there. My mother, projecting her own feelings on me, would often try to commiserate with me over my loneliness but, as I always told her, I was never lonely.
As an introvert I get my energy recharged from being alone so I have to admit that I kind of looked forward to the trips. I really need to have time by myself or I become exhausted and overwhelmed. I love being in the house by myself, being in charge of my own schedule, eating whatever and whenever I want. I like watching sappy movies at night without someone making comments or rolling his eyes whenever someone on screen bursts out into song. I really am a loner at heart and although I do enjoy being part of a pair, I need my space, man!
Besides, I was never really alone...before.
You see, that's the secret of how to be a loner without turning into a hermit - get a dog. Whenever T was on one of his trips, I had the best company in the world to keep me from getting lonely. When I ate junk food, Jasper was there to save me from eating too much. When I burst into song along with the sappy movie, Jasper was there to howl in sympathy. When I wanted to run out to the store at 2 in the afternoon just to get out of the house, Jasper was either ready to come along or waiting to joyfully welcome me back home. Who could be lonely with the perfect companion around?
So, as the time got closer for T to take his first trip since July I wondered how I would do, being really and truly on my own for the first time. I admit I haven't done so well when T has been gone for day trips the past couple of months so I figured I'd really lose it when the first overnight trip came along.
Surprisingly, I'm 3 days into it and still doing fine. I really figured I'd spend the whole first day in tears, letting out all the feelings I keep bottled up (as much as possible) when I'm not alone. I also figured the first night I walked down the hall by myself would be awful and that I'd toss and turn all night but that hasn't been the case at all. In fact, I think I've slept better this week than I have in 3 months.
One fun thing about being home alone is that I can leave my shoes wherever I want. I haven't been able to leave shoes out for 15 years. Jasper was an excellent retriever and he loved to nose around our bedroom to find things to bring to me. He especially loved bringing out shoes so they always had to be locked behind a closet door or else I'd end up with a big pile of shoes in the living room. Actually, come to think of it, this week I'm creating my own pile of shoes in the living room all by myself. I'd like to think it's an homage to Jasper but I suspect it's just because I'm too lazy to put things away.
As an introvert I get my energy recharged from being alone so I have to admit that I kind of looked forward to the trips. I really need to have time by myself or I become exhausted and overwhelmed. I love being in the house by myself, being in charge of my own schedule, eating whatever and whenever I want. I like watching sappy movies at night without someone making comments or rolling his eyes whenever someone on screen bursts out into song. I really am a loner at heart and although I do enjoy being part of a pair, I need my space, man!
Besides, I was never really alone...before.
You see, that's the secret of how to be a loner without turning into a hermit - get a dog. Whenever T was on one of his trips, I had the best company in the world to keep me from getting lonely. When I ate junk food, Jasper was there to save me from eating too much. When I burst into song along with the sappy movie, Jasper was there to howl in sympathy. When I wanted to run out to the store at 2 in the afternoon just to get out of the house, Jasper was either ready to come along or waiting to joyfully welcome me back home. Who could be lonely with the perfect companion around?
So, as the time got closer for T to take his first trip since July I wondered how I would do, being really and truly on my own for the first time. I admit I haven't done so well when T has been gone for day trips the past couple of months so I figured I'd really lose it when the first overnight trip came along.
Surprisingly, I'm 3 days into it and still doing fine. I really figured I'd spend the whole first day in tears, letting out all the feelings I keep bottled up (as much as possible) when I'm not alone. I also figured the first night I walked down the hall by myself would be awful and that I'd toss and turn all night but that hasn't been the case at all. In fact, I think I've slept better this week than I have in 3 months.
One fun thing about being home alone is that I can leave my shoes wherever I want. I haven't been able to leave shoes out for 15 years. Jasper was an excellent retriever and he loved to nose around our bedroom to find things to bring to me. He especially loved bringing out shoes so they always had to be locked behind a closet door or else I'd end up with a big pile of shoes in the living room. Actually, come to think of it, this week I'm creating my own pile of shoes in the living room all by myself. I'd like to think it's an homage to Jasper but I suspect it's just because I'm too lazy to put things away.
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