Friday, October 21, 2011

Home Alone

For most of the 25 years of my married life my husband has traveled...a lot.  Because a lot of his traveling has been halfway around the world, he would often be gone for 2 weeks at a time just to maximize his time there.  My mother, projecting her own feelings on me, would often try to commiserate with me over my loneliness but, as I always told her, I was never lonely.

As an introvert I get my energy recharged from being alone so I have to admit that I kind of looked forward to the trips.  I really need to have time by myself or I become exhausted and overwhelmed.  I love being in the house by myself, being in charge of my own schedule, eating whatever and whenever I want.  I like watching sappy movies at night without someone making comments or rolling his eyes whenever someone on screen bursts out into song.  I really am a loner at heart and although I do enjoy being part of a pair, I need my space, man!

Besides, I was never really alone...before.

You see, that's the secret of how to be a loner without turning into a hermit - get a dog.  Whenever T was on one of his trips, I had the best company in the world to keep me from getting lonely.  When I ate junk food, Jasper was there to save me from eating too much.  When I burst into song along with the sappy movie, Jasper was there to howl in sympathy.  When I wanted to run out to the store at 2 in the afternoon just to get out of the house, Jasper was either ready to come along or waiting to joyfully welcome me back home.  Who could be lonely with the perfect companion around?

So, as the time got closer for T to take his first trip since July I wondered how I would do, being really and truly on my own for the first time.  I admit I haven't done so well when T has been gone for day trips the past couple of months so I figured I'd really lose it when the first overnight trip came along.

Surprisingly, I'm 3 days into it and still doing fine.  I really figured I'd spend the whole first day in tears, letting out all the feelings I keep bottled up (as much as possible) when I'm not alone.  I also figured the first night I walked down the hall by myself would be awful and that I'd toss and turn all night but that hasn't been the case at all.  In fact, I think I've slept better this week than I have in 3 months. 

One fun thing about being home alone is that I can leave my shoes wherever I want.  I haven't been able to leave shoes out for 15 years.  Jasper was an excellent retriever and he loved to nose around our bedroom to find things to bring to me.  He especially loved bringing out shoes so they always had to be locked behind a closet door or else I'd end up with a big pile of shoes in the living room.  Actually, come to think of it, this week I'm creating my own pile of shoes in the living room all by myself.  I'd like to think it's an homage to Jasper but I suspect it's just because I'm too lazy to put things away.


  1. It really is true that time heals. It doesn't remove the scar or our memories of how we got the scar but it does stop the scar from hurting so much. I am so glad that you are healing and finding joy in your life again. Love you.

  2. We have SO much in common,'s almost bizarre. I, too, spend aLOT of time alone since Frank is in Brunswick most of the time and I, too, have Reilly to keep me company. However, there are times when Frank gets really lonesome and Reilly stays with him for weeks at at a time, and then, I, too, am truly alone. I agree with you, it's not so bad. I, too, am a loner and can easily be alone without being lonely. And, I also have a pile of shoes, but mine are in the dining room, where I take them off and put them on each day. Rather than go upstairs to disrobe when you're alone, it's nice to just shed everything downstairs..and my shoes are the first to go! :) I now have about 10 pair there, but good ol' Frank doesn't say a thing about it when he comes home...medication is a good thing!! :)
    Glad to hear you're doing well, sweetpea...I am right there with ya!!! Love you, miss you!!

  3. Living in a home with a fiance who gets home from work before I do, and his Grandmother in the basement apartment... I would love to be alone every now and then. Having a little "Me" time is really rejuvenating. I finally had to tell my fiance, "I love you and I love spending time with you, but I need some alone time." So we are still working on it. Its been a transition planning meals for 2 when I used to just have cereal for dinner. Now I really have to plan.

    Here is the list from San Fran that you asked about

    We tried for:
    8. Morning bun at Tartine Bakery (but they were out. the other things we got were delicious though!)
    35. Salted-caramel ice cream at Bi-Rite Creamery (It was very good, but I've had one in Northern VA that is AMAZING)
    45. Secret Breakfast from Humphry Slocombe (Definitely Recommend!)
    54. Spiced-chocolate doughnut at Dynamo Donut (We actually had the maple bacon donut. It was interesting... not bad, but interesting)
    71. Scotch egg at Wexler’s (very good!)
    100. Menage a Trois at Ike’s Place (I didn't have the Menage a Trois, but I had a delicious vegetarian sesame flavored something)

    There was so much more I wanted to try! And... because I walked everywhere, I didn't gain any weight! Success! Le Colonial was Delicious! Expensive, but delicious!


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