love

Love - it's a supercharged word, right?

I heard about a woman, a sister of a co-worker, who had been dating this guy for over 2 years and he was kind of lukewarm about their relationship. He liked her, liked going out with her from time to time, slept with her but wasn't nearly ready to commit to her in any way. They would do things for a while and then he would be too busy to get together for weeks. Keep in mind, these are people in their 50s, not 20s.

I really don't understand that, I don't know why anyone - man or woman - would want that for a relationship. I'm all about taking your time getting to know someone but really spend that time getting to know them, don't play around at a relationship when it suits you. And at my age, I don't want to waste time with someone that I'm not sure about or somebody that I have to talk myself into...or even worse, somebody that I have to convince or cajole into loving me.

I am not a person that agonizes over decisions. I trust my instincts always and they've really never failed me. When I fall in love, I love. I don't second guess it, I enjoy it.

Taz and I were friends for about a year, hanging out in a big group, before we started hanging out just the 2 of us. Our first few dates were fun but we didn't jump into romance...until we did. Once we crossed that line, we were together every day until he died. We stayed over at his place most of the time until his roommates objected and then we decided to get a place of our own. After a little while of that we decided to get married. There was little angst, it was all a natural progression. I never had to worry about whether or not he wanted to make a commitment. The way I look at it, either the other person wants to be with you or they don't and if they don't, it's not worth hanging about hoping they'll change their mind. They're already telling you they don't really want to be with you. I would NEVER want to be with someone that wasn't 100% about me.

So that's my experience with love and it worked pretty well the first time so I don't see a need to change my approach this time. I don't want to be cautious, counting days, weeks and months before next steps are taken. I'm not stupidly reckless but I don't want to be so careful that I miss out on amazing moments.

The words have been said and we're finding it difficult to be apart so much of the time during the week. Weekends are amazing, it's like we live in our own little world and it's always a slap in the face when Monday comes and we have to go back to reality.

But love shouldn't exist only in a vacuum so I think we're getting closer to the point where we have to meet families and make decisions about the near future. We've both expressed our commitment to each other and I'm not afraid to say that I love this man. And I know it's quick but when you know, you know and I've learned that life is unpredictable so I don't intend to waste time worrying about what other people may think.

He makes me laugh, he listens to my worries and offers support, he shares his heart with me, he makes sitting on the couch watching TV the most fun activity in the world, he loves his children and shares them with me, he dreams about our future, he wants to take care of me but also appreciates when I take care of him, he has an ego the size of Texas but can also laugh at himself, he makes my toes curl when he holds me in his arms, he makes me feel delicate, he makes me feel safe and protected but he's also willing to be vulnerable, he always lets me know how much I mean to him, he listens to me babble, he rocks my world when he turns and grins at me, he encourages me to try new things but never pushes me into something that makes me uncomfortable...except vegetables. LOL He is a bit of a health nut but can unbend enough to do a junk food run with me on a Saturday night. He thinks it's funny that I need to be fed on a regular basis or else I get faint but it's never a good idea to put too much on my plate at any sitting or it'll go to waste. He knows the road to my heart is through my favorite soda and an assortment of chips and freshly baked cupcakes never hurt either. He makes me feel like I always matter. He tells me I'm beautiful on a regular basis. He loves Charlie and she loves him. He had a strict no sharing food with a dog policy but sneaks food to Charlie when he thinks I'm not watching. He leaves little gifts and cards on my pillow so that I know he's been thinking about me when we're not together. He makes me happy.