limbo

 

Ok, so when we last left dear Jonni she was dealing with the loss of all her hopes and dreams...that about sums it up, right?

So maybe that's a tad dramatic but it's kind of how it feels. I was so excited for this wedding, my first real wedding, and I had worked really hard to find something that was romantic and sweet and for far, far less than the average American wedding costs.

But, when you're broke, you're broke and even the cheapest wedding costs too much so I canceled the things that would refund my deposit. Our ceremony/reception venue isn't one of those things, they are keeping the deposit and we get nothing. We probably could opt for a smaller/cheaper package at the venue that would cost about what we've already paid so we wouldn't have to shell out any more money to them BUT the smaller package doesn't include a cake or food the way our package did and I just won't ask people to travel to a wedding just to see a ceremony (even though that's the most important part) and then send them on their way without feeding them. That seems so tacky. But we can't afford to provide food so as much as I'd like to still have the wedding at the place we fell in love with, I just can't.

Plus, what's a wedding without cake?

So we're trying to think of a Plan B that would still allow us to be married surrounded by our family, and just a few friends, and also feed them but do it all on a McDonalds budget. We've batted around a few ideas but, at least right now, all of them seem a little sad and pathetic to me...or maybe it's just me that's sad and pathetic.

Everything makes me cry.

Chris says he wants to try to come up with options that will save as much of our original wedding as possible. I don't think it's practical but I'm willing to let him try. He says if he doesn't come up with something in 2 weeks we'll look into the sad and pathetic options. I don't know if I can last 2 weeks in this limbo; it's kind of killing me.

Part of me wants to just go to the courthouse and do the deed but the other part of me thinks I'm an idiot. I've done that before and was so looking forward to a real wedding with family and friends this time. Plus, we could never get married without the kids.

Despite all this drama (and it extends far beyond the cancellation of the wedding) we had a nice weekend with the kids. On Saturday we took the dogs to the park and walked the 1 mile trail. Charlie barked at every other dog and Maggie was fairly uncontrollable, running and jumping and lunging at everything and nothing. The good news is that they both wore themselves out enough for me to get a picture of them sitting quietly together. I don't expect that will ever happen again. You can't even tell how much Charlie loathes Maggie in this picture.

We are flat broke and I honestly don't know how we'll survive on a monthly basis but at least we have each other and our family.