universal

 

one of the things i really want to do for the kids is expand their world beyond our little town and give them new experiences so chris and i decided to buy annual passes for the universal theme parks and try to go there at least every month or two. why not take advantage of living so close to orlando and all it has to offer?

i think the best part was keeping it a secret from the kids until we got there. they had all sorts of guesses but never figured out where we were going until they saw the signs for universal and the harry potter rides and then there was pandemonium in the car when they realized; it was a priceless moment.

to be completely honest, the kids weren't the only ones thrilled to be there. i have always enjoyed universal. taz and i were annual passholders for a year and i have a lot of happy memories at those parks. it was nice to be able to come back and make new happy memories as well as see my favorite hello kitty store and statue.

hello kitty is a favorite with my 8 year old as well. there is a whole store of hello kitty merchandise and we want to buy 2 of everything...we are really going to have to save our allowances.

my 6 year old was more interested in the giant donut than hello kitty.

we rode a lot of rides, stood in a lot of lines, walked our feet into the ground and had an amazing family time that day. i look forward to many more days just like that.

in other news, i received my first dose of the vaccine (no side effects) and will be fully vaccinated by the end of this week. with more and more people being vaccinated, i have hopes that our lives will return to some form of normal as the year goes on. it's an experience that none of us will ever forget, i imagine. i certainly know people who refuse to be vaccinated (and who subscribe to conspiracy theories that i have no use for) but i consider it not only for my benefit but for the benefit of society as well and i'm happy to do my part.

we continue to work on our house and have finally gotten cabinets in the kitchen! i'll do a house update in another post but for now we're getting ready to head off for a new weekend adventure, a road trip to celebrate our grandson's 5th bithday!

my unexpected weekend

 

sometimes you can do all sorts of planning and things just don't work out the way you intended but they work out the way they're supposed to.

my life is definitely a prime example of that - i never planned to have another relationship after taz because taz was always going to be there. i certainly never planned to be a bonus mom and grandmother at this point in my life and i definitely didn't plan on cooking dinner and doing multiple loads of laundry each week when i'd spent a lifetime avoiding most of that, lol, but here i am, living my best life...ok, not the cooking and laundry, i could do without those.

this past weekend was certainly unexpected and yet, i think it was one of the nicest weekends i've had in a loooooong time.

we were supposed to go to alabama to help a friend of chris's build a deck. i had planned the whole thing - found a great boarding place for charlie, rented a car for the long drive, packed my suitcase for the 3 days.

friday morning went according to plan - i dropped charlie off at her pet resort and wished her a happy weekend. taz and i never spent a night away from charlie so it's a little weird to board her now but i know she's getting good care. this place even has a tv in each room tuned to animal planet although i have no idea if she enjoys watching.

i came back home to pick up the rental car and that's where things fell apart. the rental company had rented out our suv to another couple and didn't have anything of similar size to give to us. we objected strongly and spent some time on the phone but in the end nothing changed so we didn't get a rental car. i was reluctant to put so many miles on my car and then we heard from family and friends about severe weather in the area where we were headed which caused us to reconsider the advisability of the trip. the final straw was when the friend called and said they hadn't been able to get all the materials for the deck and we probably wouldn't be able to work outside anyway because of the weather.

it was unanimous, the universe was sending us signs that we needed to postpone.

now the fun part - since Chris had already taken the whole weekend off from work and the kids were with their mom and charlie was already at her pet resort, we had a whole weekend together...just us. this almost never happens, i can't even remember the last time it was just us. so i quickly suggested that maybe we could run up to st. augustine on saturday, just for the day.

st. augustine was always a favorite spot for taz and me, we both loved the quaint old part of the town that reminded us of european villages and our beloved carmel-by-the-sea in california so a part of me wanted to relive old memories but most of me wanted to make new happy memories with chris in a place i love. he had been there a few times as well and was all for the trip.

one of the things i love about st. augustine is a gourmet popsicle shop called The Hyppo. they have the most imaginative flavors and it's lighter than ice cream. i pretty much propelled us straight there as soon as we were out of the car.

chris, unfortunately, was not a big fan of the flavor he chose but my blackberry goat cheese popsicle was amazing!

we spent a few hours just walking around all the shops, bought some organic soap and a very cool skull mask...we both have a thing for skulls, fun little souvenirs from our first getaway.

we were having so much fun that i didn't want to go back home just yet so i asked if we could spend the night even though we hadn't planned for it and had no luggage. lol

but finding a room was almost impossible. there was nothing in st. augustine so we decided to drive down to daytona which is where chris used to live. unfortunately this was the last official weekend of spring break and everything was sold out so i was losing hope until i made one last phone call and, yippee, i found a room! it was a hotel on the beach and the only room they had was facing the parking lot but i grabbed it.

before checking into our room we grabbed some dinner. i had been wanting to try a burger that had donuts for buns for a while now. i wasn't sure i'd like it, i was just intrigued. turns out i'm not a fan...at all. i had 2 bites and then cast it aside. luckily we'd ordered some appetizers so i didn't go away hungry.

we got to the hotel and found out they had put us in an oceanfront room and everything was perfect. it's a small place, very quiet and peaceful and each room has a small balcony overlooking the big, beautiful atlantic ocean.it was very romantic.

the hotel had a pool and we thought we really needed to go swimming so we walked across the street to get some swimming items and then chris jumped in the pool. he should have checked to see if it was heated first because he let out a scream and got right back out of that pool. i was laughing so hard all the way back to our room that he actually had to push me up the stairs because i kept stopping to laugh and then i had to catch my breath. he didn't think it was nearly as funny but i'm chuckling right now just thinking of it.

we walked on the beach, we took selfies with the beautiful background that's too dark to see, we unwound with some wine coolers and just relaxed for the first time since december. it was exactly what we needed.

of course the next day it was back to reality but at least not right away. we had breakfast at a local diner and then spent some time with chris's grandson at the flea market.

none of it was planned and yet, i'm pretty sure it was exactly what we were supposed to be doing.

back on track

 

sometimes you just need to talk things out...and talk...and talk. relationships can be hard and two people can look at a situation from very different angles but communication is key.

and sometimes you find yourself coming to an even greater understanding of what you want. this is NOT an engagement ring but it is a promise and i love it and i look forward to our future.

selling my house was very stressful and emotional and even though the process was seamless, it seemed to take forever to get everything cleared out of that house. and then it took even longer to get the last of the stuff cleared out of the uhaul truck but as of last night, that has been accomplished and now all that's left is to go through everything in storage and see how it fits into our new house but i'm willing to let that process take a couple of months because i need a break.

one thing that helped me feel a little more normal this weekend was taking my 8 year old for a spa day. she'd never had a mani/pedi and i haven't in a long time so we indulged a little and it was awesome.

and one final thing that helps put me back on the road to normal is  being able to get my air conditioning fixed. it had been failing since october and finally just quit working in december. luckily it's mostly been cool this winter but this past month has seen more than a few 90+ degree days and making the almost 2 hour commute (each way) to work in that weather with no air has been brutal and given me more than a few headaches. with the sale of the house i finally had enough money to get it fixed this week and i'm so happy. i don't dread tomorrow's commute now.

so life has its ups and downs and goes on. coming up is a road trip or two or three, can't wait!

change

 

i went online just a little while ago to check on my mortgage account and it says it's "inactive" which means it's been paid off and i no longer have that obligation.

sweet!

after paying that mortgage for over 20 years along with a rent payment for whatever california house we were living in at the time, it's amazing and weird to not have that hanging over my head anymore. of course the downside is that i also no longer have access to the house. lol

but it also means that i've finally achieved something i wanted for a very long time - i'm unencumbered and fancy free. i could grab charlie, jump in the car and head west or north and be a free spirit blowing in the wind, heading wherever the road takes me...and i could do it for a very long while until the money runs out. not the smartest thing to do, i admit, but today it's very tempting.

i find myself questioning a lot of things lately. i'm having trust issues, sitting back watching a situation develop to see where it goes knowing that either everything will be fine or i'll be starting over yet again but at least this time i'll have taz's last gift to me cushioning the blow.

stay tuned, things are going to change one way or another.

gone

it finally happened - my house is gone.

well to be more specific, my house has sold, we closed and it's no longer my house.

and i know i'm supposed to say that it's great, i'm moving on, blah, blah, blah but it's damned hard and i'm sad and feeling more than a little lost. i know that taz had intended me to live in that house forever and was trying so very hard to pay it off so that i wouldn't have to make the decisions i ended up making but i also know that he would have understood and been happy that the sale of the house has given me a little bit of security that has been badly lacking in the past few years.

we worked very hard this month to clear out the house, i set a deadline of the end of the month and i intended to stick to it because, quite frankly, i needed the money. so we spent a couple of sundays loading up uhaul trailers to bring furniture, clothing and boxes to our new house. my dining room table, my bedroom set, my guest room bed, my bookcases, my coffee tables and end tables, my desk - all of those things are now our things and being used in the new house. it's nice to see pieces of my old life being remade for our new life. i'm glad i didn't have to leave everything behind. i certainly left a good deal of things behind, things that i will probably regret. i threw out of lifetime of stuff but then so much was already lost when i couldn't pay for the storage unit in california...all that stuff has been auctioned off now so what did it matter if more was lost?

to be quite honest, letting go of that beloved house was almost more than i can take especially when i'm feeling a little unsure about my next steps. as lovely as my new family is, i want more of a commitment and chris seems happy with things just as they are and i honestly don't know what to do about that. i'm a commitment kind of girl. i'm not ready to get married but i want things to progress to the next level especially since i'm spending so much time taking care of the kids and the fact that he doesn't want an official commitment makes me sad. i feel like i deserve someone who is excited about being with me and who wants to proclaim it to the world, not someone who feels pressured. 

right now a big part of me would like to run away for a little while, get on a plane, go somewhere with happy memories and just lose myself in the crowd. 

 

my unexpected life

 

i'm back!

did you miss me? i can't believe how long it's been since i've written. back when i was lonely and unhappy i couldn't go more than a day or two without writing but now that i'm happy it seems like writing is the last thing on my mind.

but i really do want to change that because i want to document everything about my new unexpected life. every day i have new experiences in motherhood or being part of a couple with someone new after 30+ years of being mrs. taz and i want to always remember every step of the journey.

so we're still working on the new house and it's a process. i've always heard that home renovation can be a real test of a couple and i can definitely see why but we're still doing well and finding some time to just be a couple (or a family if the kids are with us) rather than get bogged down in all the projects that still need to be completed or sniping at each other out of frustration. the man of the place is taking good care of us and making this house into a real home although i know he's more than ready for everything to be finished so that he can rest when he gets home from a long day at work without having way too many projects hanging over his head.

we took time out to visit the county fair and picked up our first bit of "artwork" for the wall - a family photo taken on our land back in december. it's printed on a wooden crate and i think it turned out very nice. we put it up on the wall next to the front door so we see it every time we leave the house.

shortly after our fair weekend, my sister came for a visit because she was doing some job training less than an hour away. since she lives 7 hours from me and we don't get to see each other all that often (especially since COVID) so it was a real treat to spend some time catching up. she's intrigued by my new life, especially the fact that i'm a new "mother" after decades of being childless. she even bought the kids presents from their new aunt so, needless to say, she was a big hit. it was nice knowing she was in the area last week and i started missing her the minute her car left the driveway; hopefully we can get together again soon.

in other news we have spring break to look forward to. my man has to work so i've taken a couple of days off from work and planned fun activities for the days we have the kids and we're also planning a long weekend at the beach - our first family vacation. i am so very excited about that!

i thank God every day for these 3

whirlwind

 

yeah, so i haven't been on here in a while - sorry! believe me when i tell you, life has been a roller coaster ride and i feel like i haven't had a chance to catch my breath in weeks.

the first big news is - we're all moved in to the new house! oh my gosh, that was quite an endeavor and there were times when i didn't see how it was going to happen but at 11:58 pm on new year's eve we finished moving the last load. we had our new years kiss in the living room and then dropped our exhausted bodies into bed for a long sleep. it wasn't the romantic new year's eve of my dreams but maybe it was even better- a truly new start at the beginning of a new year...nah, i would rather have been out partying or doing something romantic. lol

christmas was magical, it was amazing to see it through the eyes of the kids. because so many of my adult christmases were just taz and me, this was a completely different experience and took me back to my childhood.

and then the real fun stared, we had one week to get everything from chris's small house moved into our new house, clean and paint his old house while we also had to work our full-time jobs because neither of us had any time to take off. it was quite the effort and i must say i was exhausted, overwhelmed and probably more than a little cranky that week. it was not the relaxed holiday week that i had been hoping for because i hate moving (and i probably mentioned that out loud more than once during that week) but somehow we actually got it all done and did a good enough job that chris got his entire security deposit back. whew!

i wish i could say it's been all smooth sailing since then but the reality is that the first couple of weeks of the new year have been rough. relationships are hard at times and sometimes we have to think long and hard about what we want. sometimes people do stupid things that hurt. the first year that taz and i were married was rough too and i thought about walking out more than once. looking back now i realize i would have missed out on 32 mostly happy years and so many memories but at the time, i could only see whatever pain i was feeling right then. i'm trying to apply the lessons i've learned to this new relationship, knowing that love isn't something to throw away when things get messy but that i always have to balance that with respect for myself. 

the new house is great but it's still a major work in progress. we had no running water or kitchen appliances for the first couple of weeks. we now have a refrigerator and stove but no kitchen sink and the water is an on again/off again thing because of a mysterious leak that keeps the meter running constantly so we keep having to shut it off. our landlord is supposed to come out this weekend and check the water lines running from the main street to the private road that leads to our property. i can only hope that they get it fixed so that we can have consistent water. i have never been a fan of roughing it but at least i'm getting better at it.

i still have my house but it's getting emptier every day as we move things into our new place. it's weird to watch it become less and less mine but it's time and i'm (mostly) at peace about giving it up. i intend to have it emptied by the middle of february so that i can set a closing date before the end of that month. it will be hard saying goodbye, i have no doubt of that, but it will also be a relief. it's truly the end of an era and time to move forward.

forward is my word for 2021.