365

One year ago today Taz woke up, took a shower and flung his towel over the shower wall where it still hangs today. He left for work about 8. I followed him to the door, told him to have a good day and drive carefully. He said the same back to me and we said goodbye. It was the last conversation we would ever have. 3 hours later, while sitting at my desk at work, I would get the phone call that would change my life forever, letting me know he'd collapsed at work and had been taken to the hospital in a coma. 

A year later and my grief is still as raw as it was then. There are tears every day and I feel lost and alone most of the time. 

Back then I wondered what my life would be like a year later. Outwardly it still looks much the same - same job, still (barely) hanging on to the same house but that isn't sustainable forever and very soon there will have to be big changes. 

Needless to say, I wish nothing had to change and that Taz had come home last November 15th and we'd had the fun birthday weekend we had planned. 

Of course I know I have to move my life forward and I've tried, although all attempts at making new friends have failed spectacularly. Lucky for me I have some amazing old friends and I have hopes and dreams for the future. But for today, the past is all I can see.