trust

 

Many years ago Taz dropped a piece of paper on our bedroom floor and I found it. It was an email he had printed out from a former coworker and she was going to be in town (from Virginia) so they were planning on getting together for dinner. It was all innocent, her new husband was along on the trip, except that he had told me he was getting together with his friend Michael that night.

And that was the moment I stopped trusting him. 

Trust is essential in a relationship and I hated second guessing everything he said from that moment on and I truly don't believe he lied often (although there is a night when he was on a trip in Virginia and I couldn't reach him and he never called and he said he accidentally left his phone in the car but that's hard to believe and I'll always wonder if he was fucking his friend Venihlde...) but there was always that seed of doubt and I know it affected our relationship.

 I always asked myself if my life with him was better than it would be without him and the answer was always the same and I stayed and now I have a lifetime of happy memories and only a few bad ones so I can't help but believe I made the right choice.

And now I find myself in the same spot, my trust has been broken over something stupid but if lies are told over something basically (but not completely) innocent then how am I ever to trust that they're not being told over bigger things?

I have been given a guarantee that this will never happen again (and Chris's guarantees are like gold, so much stronger than a promise in his eyes) and otherwise things are great so it seems like the answer is simple...but nothing is really ever simple, is it?

In other news - I have finally gotten around to watching the 2nd season of Emily in Paris on Netflix and I want to visit Paris/France so badly!!