the grief group

I thought I'd visit a grief group last night. They have one at my church, I'd known about it for over a year but last night was the night I decided to check it out. 

I just felt like things were getting to be a little too much and maybe I needed to talk to a few people and listen to their stories too.

So I sat in the parking lot where I could see the room where the group was supposed to meet. And I waited, and waited, and waited but nobody ever showed up except for the guy who was leading it. I waited until 20 minutes after the meeting was supposed to start. I really needed to be somewhat anonymous, I didn't want it to be a one on one kind of thing - at least not my first time. So when nobody else showed, I decided to leave without going in.

So much for trying to take care of myself.

I don't know if I'll try it again. I guess I had a vision of the AA groups I see on TV with rows of people so that you can slip in the back, listen for a while and then talk or not. I would want to talk eventually but not right away so me and one or two other people sitting around a table seems like way too much for me.

I think it's just the introvert in me reacting to the lack of quality alone time or maybe it's just that I really don't have anyone in my life to just talk to about all this stuff. That's why this blog is so important because it gives me a space to just unload - the good and the bad.

I'm just tired, I feel like I desperately need a vacation, to get away from reality for a little while. Between still grieving and missing my partner in crime so much, dealing with having my home change in so many ways and then my mother's problems (she was denied for Medicaid so I have to start the application process all over again and hope I don't make a mistake or she'll be kicked out of her nursing home) I am completely and utterly overwhelmed. And lonely which seems odd since I'm almost never alone anymore but there's a huge difference between people sharing the same space and people sharing their souls.

I guess it's time to try those Meetup things again and try to meet new people. Somewhere out there is a friend for me.