surviving

I'm still breathing. It's been a little over 2 weeks since I broke my arm and it's been quite a struggle just existing but I'm here.

I went back to work 2 days after breaking it although I'm pretty sure I shouldn't have but I had to make money. The pain was intense, everything I did hurt. Bending down put a strain on my bad arm and hurt. Every so often I'd get muscle spasms that made me cry. Feeding myself, feeding Charlie, doing laundry, washing dishes, taking a shower everything hurt.

And oh my gosh, getting dressed was torture. I would end up crying and shivering with pain and have to rest before doing anything else.

But I did it...alone.

Now, 2 weeks later there is still pain but it's lessened a bit. Getting dressed is still a struggle but I can put a shirt on in 5-10 minutes rather than 30 and I don't cry. I can finally take off my bra because I spent money I didn't have to buy one that clasps in the front. It's still not easy to work but I manage.

I'm still sweaty and exhausted by the time I do my morning routine and get in the car for work so I drive with the air conditioning going full blast just to dry off.

I take naps when I get home from work and I nap again after having dinner and then I go to bed early except I haven't actually slept in my bed since it happened because it hurts to lay down all the way. I sleep half sitting up on the couch and it often takes several attempts before I find a comfortable position. I have to take a day off from work in the middle of the week to sleep just to make it through till Friday so I've used up all my leave and won't have any to be with family on Christmas.

I have daily fights with the insurance company and I haven't won one yet. The medical debt I'm accumulating from this stupid incident makes me fear for the future even more than I already was.

But I'm still breathing so there's that.