free-ish

last week i had to work from home because my house was under self-quarantine while we waited for some test results (not mine) but friday morning we got the news that we were free to go back in the world again...except for the fact that the whole state is still on lockdown and there's nowhere to go anyway.

luckily (?) i'm considered an essential worker so the minute i got the news, i was dressed and out the door heading to the office.

which is weird in and of itself because i've always longed to be able to stay home all day and have been blessed enough to do that at various times in my life and loved it, but times change and being home isn't my first choice these days so charlie and i enjoyed a lovely friday afternoon at the office.

after 2 weekend days at home (even though we had a very nice Easter,) we were both more than ready to head back in to the office again today. originally when the lockdown order came through i was working 2 days at home and 3 days at the office but this week i think i'll do all 5 days at the office. while i *can* work from home, i waste a lot of time trying to get the technology to work or set up workarounds so i get more done if i'm at the office.

but even more than that, there's something so nice about doing something normal. being at home with 5 other people is not normal at all. even when it's fun, it's just not normal...and it's not always fun. my "social" limit is full and overflowing and my inner introvert sometimes just wants to huddle in a corner and sob.

and yet, there's another part of me that is craving human contact and touch. i'd like to go out to dinner with a friend, go shopping, go to a movie, go bowling (yikes, i haven't done that in years and i'm not that good at it but it's always fun) go to disney, go to the beach, go to a museum, go sailing (ok, i've never sailed before but i know a few people that do and their pictures always look like so much fun and i do love to be out on the water) go hiking, go hang-gliding, go bungee jumping. ok, now i'm just being silly but i really am craving something.

i'm so afraid i'm wasting the precious years i have left on the earth, like i should be out there forming new relationships and i can't right now and it's driving me a little bit crazy. 

remember i went to the nerdy movie club meeting just a month ago? i was so excited about it, so looking forward to getting to know everybody and discover some fun new movies and now it's over. who knows if the restaurant will still exist when we're all let back out again? who knows if any of the people will still want to meet? what if something happens to some of them and i never even got a chance to know them?

to end this on a less plaintive and rather amusing note, dd has reappeared and we're continuing our history nerd friendship. we have a lot of interests in common, things that most normal people wouldn't even care about so it's fun to exchange ideas. out of curiosity i googled him and found out that he's significantly younger than i am. significantly. but i've gone back and looked at the pictures of us together and i don't think anybody could tell so at least i don't look like the sad, desperate little cougar that i apparently am. even if anything were to develop (which is probably unlikely anyway) it wouldn't be a forever thing but hey, i've never had a fling in my life so maybe it's time for a new experience!

well, once we're allowed to cross state borders and get closer than 6 feet from each other again.