what if?

how are you all holding up? this is such a weird time for all of us, right?

i can't help but wonder what taz would think of all this. a friend of mine lost her husband almost 11 years ago and we've spent quite a bit of time talking about how we think isolation would have been going if our husbands were with us. she's alone at her house, not even a dog friend, and i know she's feeling lonely and at loose ends most of the time. she also is an essential worker and they are on a one week in the office and one week at home rotation so she has almost too much social interaction sometimes because her job requires contact with the public.

this whole time is bringing up all sorts of emotions more and more each day. i was driving home from work yesterday thinking about totally untazzy things and then BAM suddenly i was hit with a wall of grief and longing so strong that i almost had to pull over on the side of the highway to cry.

i think the first couple of weeks with taz would have been awesome with all the cooking and talking and swimming but probably about now he would have been dealing with job issues, possible lay-offs and money problems so things probably wouldn't be quite so cozy; they'd probably be a little tense. i need to keep remembering that we were real people with real problems and personality quirks and not romanticize everything. however, i'd rather be in isolation with taz than without him, no matter what we were going through. and that's the absolute honest truth. being without him through all of this sucks.