change

I just needed one ingredient for a recipe so I turned into the parking lot of my neighborhood store and then I saw the sign.

STORE CLOSING

It was literally like a punch to the stomach.

My first thought was "oh I have to tell Mr. T about this"

and that was the second gut punch.

Because, of course, I can't tell Mr. T anything anymore.

This store holds a lot of memories for the two of us. It's not a brand name store like Publix or Target or Walmart. It's marketed directly at tourists and the prices are more expensive so we never did our normal grocery shopping there but it was so convenient so it was often my go-to store when I just needed one or two things or I didn't feel up to dealing with driving on the highway or the crowded parking lots or a store full of tourists.

For 5 or 6 years this was the only store that carried a particular flavor of hot chocolate that I loved so Mr. T would go there whenever we were in town and buy their entire stock. And he absolutely loved their clearance table over by the frozen foods.

Once, when we were particularly broke, I went to the clearance table to shop for his birthday and ended up buying a reel of something called "magic twist ties" for him. He loved that present and used it for years. I think I saw tears in his eyes when he used the last one.

But my strongest memory of this store is that we often went there on Friday and Saturday nights because Mr. T loved to hear the "happy sounds" of the tourists in town for the start of their vacations, buying all their groceries for the week. That was seriously one of his favorite things to do, he was always up for it when I suggested it.

It hurts me to see things change, to see the world grow different from the one he knew. I wish everything could stay exactly the same as he saw it. I hate the idea of a world that he wouldn't recognize.

And I know that's stupid and an impossible wish. Change is inevitable and I can't hold on to things whose time has come and gone. 

I know there's a bigger lesson in all this...just not quite ready for it yet.