the key

To anybody else, it's just a key, nothing special. I have plenty of house keys so the one up there could easily be replaced. So why did I just about have a breakdown when I realized I'd lost it on Monday?

Because that's the key that Taz used every single morning for 2 1/2 years when he took Charlie for a long walk before work. It started because I had to leave for work so damned early and he left later so he took Charlie out for her last walk before she was left at home for the entire day. He loved going on that walk with her, I think they spent the time wrestling with the problems of the world. He even kept doing it after I got my new job last year and didn't have to leave so early.

He attached one of our spare keys to a blue cord so that he could wear it around his neck and not have to worry about losing it out of his pocket.

So Monday night, when it was time to take Charlie for her last walk of the day, I went to look for the key in its regular spot and freaked out when I couldn't find it. How could I have lost Taz's special key?

I looked all over the house, even in the freezer just in case I had a blonde Jonni moment. Hey, it's happened before.

Nothing. I couldn't find it anywhere, not in the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen or car. So I started going back over my day to figure out where I might have lost it.

I finally came to the conclusion that I had accidentally left it in my pocket rather than putting it back on the front table where it always is. So when I went out to the store and gas station, it must have slipped out of my pocket. I tried to call the store but nobody answered so I determined that I would drive there the next day.

I went to sleep sick to my stomach, thinking that I may never see Taz's key again.

Now, I know it's kind of silly to care so much about a key. It's not like it's a magic key and that if I find it again I'll also find Taz. And it's not like losing it is going to change ANYTHING about my situation. It's just a key. I do know that.

But I still cried over losing it. I couldn't help myself.

The next day it was raining and storming too much to make the trip to find the key and I resigned myself to the fact that it was lost forever.

Resigning myself to something is rarely the end of things for me so I un-resigned myself today and decided I couldn't rest unless I'd checked everywhere. I drove out to the store after work and tried the gas station first. I really didn't expect that anybody would have turned in a little key on a string so to be truthful, I didn't expect to find the key BUT I walked in, asked the girl behind the counter and watched in amazement as she pulled Taz's key out from a box under the counter. She had a weird look on her face, like she couldn't believe anybody was actually asking about that key. I wonder how long they would have kept it before deciding to throw it out.

I swear, I felt like I was going to faint, I went all cold and clammy, because I couldn't believe I'd really found it. I had a huge smile on my face and I might have shed a few happy tears once I got out to the car.

I know, in the grand scheme of things, this is a really small thing. My life would have gone on just fine if the key was really gone forever and finding it didn't solve any of my problems but having it again makes me happier than I've been in a long time. I don't know why, I just know it does. 

At this point, I guess I'll take any little victory I can get.