the weekend, pt. 2

Back to my adventure - 

I woke up Saturday morning and enjoyed a couple of hours of watching waves and eating a pastry and potato chips for breakfast, the only portable snack things that I had. Oh well, Charlie enjoyed it.

The sunrise was spectacular and I was reminded again how much Taz and I loved the ocean and how much I still love it. It's like the ocean soothes me no matter what might be going on. I run to it in confusion and pain and it smooths over the rough parts and makes me whole again. One of the things I like about living in Florida is the beach.

Charlie was much more fascinated with the cars going by on the road rather than the beach. She's weird.

It's a fairly short drive up the coast to St. Augustine, our next destination. We were staying at the home of a dear friend. R married into my family 30 years ago and they lived in the same area as Taz and me for several years so the 4 of us were together a lot and had loads of laughs. The marriage did not survive but our friendship with R did and we spent time with her and her new husband as often as we could. They were the first ones to come to me last November and had invited me up to stay with them often. When I knew I had to get out of town for Taz's birthday, they were the first ones I called.

Additionally St. Augustine was a favorite weekend spot for Taz and me and the city holds so many memories so visiting there and walking the streets was comforting.

  Every time we turned a corner I had another memory of something Taz and I did on one of our visits. I sometimes worry that too many of my stories start with "Taz and I did this..." but at least with R I felt comfortable telling those stories...although I do try to limit myself.

 One of the things Taz and I always loved to do was get a popsicle at The Hyppo, which is a home grown St. Augustine gourmet popsicle shop. They have so many wild and creative flavors and everything is made fresh. They do not have any stores in Orlando so I was so happy when R suggested going there because I crave these things and hadn't had a fix in a few years. Taz's favorite flavor is Mango Habanero, of course. I almost got that but decided on Blackberry Lavender Lemonade instead which was delicious although I could have done without the little bits of lavender which had a texture similar to paper.

 Before the stop at The Hyppo, we had lunch at Pizza Time which was rated the #2 pizza place in the US by Buzzfeed. It was my first time there but it won't be my last. They have a wide variety of pies with creative toppings. It was hard to choose but I went with a slice of Lasagna pizza which was delicious and filling. I didn't even think about having dinner than night, I was too full from lunch.

R and I talked about silly things and serious things. Her divorce 12 years ago wasn't that dissimilar to dealing with a death so she was able to offer advice about both the emotional and the practical. 

She and Taz always had a lot in common so it was comforting to hang out with her and hear her views on things.

I was also comforted by the fact that my friends back in Orlando were asking me to check in periodically to make sure I was ok and became a little concerned when I was so busy talking to R that I didn't respond as quickly as I usually do. I had started this trip thinking that for the first time in decades I didn't have anyone that cared where I was going or what I was doing but I realize that wasn't true at all and that makes me feel loved. No one wants to feel like they're in this life all alone.

I woke up on the morning of the 19th to a message from a friend in England letting me know she was thinking of me and wanted to make sure I was ok. And I was able to truthfully tell her that I was. I woke up in a house with people that loved me. I had friends reaching out to make sure I was ok. I know how blessed that makes me.

 And I had waffles!

R decided that she and I would make waffles for breakfast following a new recipe she'd found. And by "we" I mean mostly her but I did whip the egg whites and I did a damn fine job, if I do say so myself. Which I do.

I've read the recipe now and I can see that we didn't follow it exactly, we missed a few crucial steps and mixed up the order slightly but those waffles turned out great in spite of all that.

And it seemed appropriate to be making waffles on Taz's birthday. He loved waffles and loved making them for me. In fact, although our really nice waffle iron is still in prison (storage) in California and I may never see it again, he went out and bought a waffle iron for Florida a couple of years ago so he could keep on making them.

R and B (her "new" husband) and I talked all through breakfast and all too soon it was time for Charlie and me to get on the road and head home. I had a really great time with them and hope to visit often. It was the perfect place to run away to.

I had seriously contemplated stopping back at my beach motel to stay Sunday night so that I wouldn't have to be at home alone on Taz's birthday but I didn't want to spend the money. I'm glad I made that decision, I had a nice afternoon at home, got in some swimming and just enjoyed the home that Taz and I built together. I wouldn't let myself get morose or cry even though I teared up a few times. I didn't want his birthday to be about the things I've lost, I wanted it to be about the things I've gained from knowing him and loving him all these years. I really needed the time away and I needed a little time alone to reflect. I hate that he's gone but I'm so happy that I had him as long as I did.

I have no idea what this next year will bring or where I'll be emotionally next May 19. I do know that I will always keep that day sacred and celebrate the life of Taz and the family we built together.