unexpected

I had been looking forward to today for weeks.

Today was the indoor Fancy Flea show. I love this show, Taz and I never missed it. Not only is it 2 large exhibit halls full of vintage junk but it's in the air conditioning. In Florida in July, this is priceless.

There was so much to look at and all of it was calling my name. I even had given myself permission to go beyond my usual $20 budget.

And yet...

I found myself unbelievably sad, pretty much on the verge of tears the entire time I walked through the show.

It was completely unexpected. I had been to the outdoor Fancy Flea in April and loved it. I had been to a mini indoor Fancy Flea in February with my little sister and was just fine. Like I said up front, I had literally been looking forward to this show for weeks, planning my work schedule so that I'd have the day free.

And yet here I was, walking through the exhibit halls barely seeing anything on display. Just sad and sadder.

I suppose this is because Taz and I always did this show together but it's not like it was something he loved. He just went because he knew I loved it and he loved spending time with me. And I guess that's why it made me sad - because we weren't together this time. From now on, I'll be attending this show by myself. I'm beginning to hate spending time with me.

So I left the show less than an hour after arriving, which means it was pretty much a waste of time and money to drive down. For the first time in forever, I didn't see a single thing I wanted so I left empty-handed.

After leaving the show I decided to treat myself to breakfast at my favorite diner in that town but when I pulled into the parking lot, it was suspiciously empty. Turns out it's closed for the month of July so the staff can have a summer vacation. While I don't begrudge them a vacation, I wish they had taken it another time, I love that place and I really needed it today.

I take it back, I do kind of begrudge them a vacation. I'm not getting one, why should they? Just kidding! Not really.

I drove the 40 miles back home and decided to drown my sorrows in a big plate of cheese enchiladas with extra refried beans at a local joint. I know "they" say it's not a good idea to self medicate with comfort food but I say screw "them" because it always makes me feel better.

So, I didn't expect to have that reaction today but I allowed myself to feel what I was feeling, didn't force myself to cheer up or repress those feelings. Then I comforted myself with food. Now it's time for a good cry and a nap.

I am rockin' this, aren't I?