Once again I've been reading what other widows on Instagram write. Lately many of them have been observing the birthdays of their deceased husbands - one has seen 3 birthdays, another one 8 birthdays - and they all have similar feelings as me "celebrating" Taz's first birthday. All are weighed down by grief, feeling unsettled and sad.
Some of these are women who have remarried or are in long-term relationships. They have "moved on" (if such a thing is possible) into the 2nd half of their forevers and yet the birthday of their first husbands causes them to snap back into the pits of despair.
This is disheartening to me. Not that I expect to ever rid myself of these feelings nor would I ever want to, but I guess I'd kind of fooled myself into thinking it would get a little easier each year. I'm kind of scared of the future now. Will I always find May to be difficult? Will all my progress be one step forward, two steps back?
So far I've been determined to work my way through this with no drugs and basically by myself. Am I just fooling myself?
Scary stuff that I never wanted to have to deal with but the universe didn't ask my permission and just flung it at me anyway.
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