Gari

I'm starting this post a little different than my usual selfie (remember, I don't do that because I'm vain - even though I probably am - but because it's my way of combating the sense of being invisible) with a picture of my beloved sister, Gari. I don't want her to be invisible either or to fade away into obscurity.

This is a hard week for me because a year ago I saw her for the last time and said goodbye. It was actually a better visit than I had anticipated. In a way, I'd been saying goodbye for over 3 years so when I got the call that I'd better get up to Alabama, I wasn't surprised.

Taz and I walked in to her house laughing about something we'd been joking about all the drive up - a local bbq place in my sister's town in Alabama. We changed the name to something so stupid that I don't even want to say it but it led  to so many other jokes. Even my sister appreciated the stupidity of it and smiled a little which was something she was almost beyond doing at that point.

She later told her husband that she had really loved the visit because it all seemed so normal. We didn't sit around and stare at her mournfully, we just laughed and joked like we always had. Oh my goodness, how many millions of laughs have we all shared over the years?

Later that week, after getting home, I got the phone call that she was gone and just like that I entered the beginning of the hardest year of my life. I thought losing her was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do, obviously I had no idea what else was coming my way, and having to get through the rest of the year of crap without her was hard.

We weren't always close. She was 20 years old when I was born and not at all happy about my appearing in her life. I spent most of my childhood avoiding her, she was just another parental figure as far as I was concerned. She always made me feel awkward and stupid and I didn't need any help with that in high school.

But in adulthood we found a common subject to bond over - difficulties with our mother - and that led to finding other similarities. For two girls that never lived together, we sure had a lot in common.

She became my best friend and biggest supporter. She was always the one I turned to if I needed to vent and I think I was the one she vented to as well. I miss her so much.

She and Taz had a unique relationship. They bonded over technology. There was a point in our life when Taz got every new tech gadget that came out. Then we would visit and he'd show his new toy to Gari. Then she would have to have one. My brother in law told me he always 'dreaded' our visits because his wallet would start to hurt. Eventually Taz stopped buying toys but Gari kept right on. 

I think she worried about me sometimes because Taz could be a difficult personality but she knew that he loved me with everything he had so she loved him too.

I haven't been up to Alabama in over a year but I'll be making the trip back up there soon to spend time with my family and remember. It'll be bittersweet, I'm sure.