ghosted

I'd heard about ghosting for years - when you're texting with someone, getting to know them (or maybe you've already hooked up) and then suddenly they disappear and you don't hear from them again and never really know why.

It sounded painful but it didn't really apply to my life so I didn't think that much about it. 

Well now I do.

Because it keeps happening to me over and over again. I hate it.

It's happened with men but not so much because I don't have much contact with men these days. A couple of times that it's happened it's just funny because I really wasn't interested. One time, however, that it has happened was/is painful and I'll probably never talk about it. Men complain a LOT about women but let me tell you, they are stupid and unfathomable and confusing and stupid (yes, again) in their own right.

It's happened a lot with women that have contacted me because of things I've posted on Facebook groups that have touched their heart so they contact me to tell me that and suggest that we can become friends. Ok, I could use new friends, so I text back and then when I try to get a little specific about meeting for coffee or something, they ghost. Guess they really didn't want new friends after all but why contact me in the first place? I certainly didn't initiate it.

It's happened with people who are already friends and they contact me and say they want to come visit and then we start making definite plans and the date comes and goes and I haven't heard from them. Super annoying.

Or friends will respond to something I've put up on Facebook about an event I would like to attend and they comment that they'd love to do it too or they'll be with me on that day and that's the last I hear about that. I get that they're busy with their own lives, that's why I never bug anybody about stuff like that. If they really wanted to do it, they would talk to me about it. When I never hear anything I know that it was all talk, no action.

The most recent 'ghost' was this past weekend with a husband and wife that started the company Taz was a part of last year. They were there with me in the hospital and I thought we'd started a friendship but I haven't heard anything from them since then. So last Friday I texted both of them to say hi. I immediately heard back from the wife that she'd just been thinking about me and she asked how I was. I answered back with my standard "I'm fine" answer and then I suggested maybe we could get together for a quick hello when they are up in the area to attend the Food and Wine festival. They had always said it was an event they looked forward to attending each year. I know that they go with a group of friends/family and I certainly didn't want to intrude so that's why I suggested just a quick catch up. I didn't want them to think I wanted to tag along all day.

I never heard another thing from either one of them. It's been 4 days now and nada, zip, zilch, nothing, bupkiss. Is bupkiss a word? Oh, just looked it up and it's actually bupkis. You learn something every day.

I just don't understand ghosting. I mean, I guess I do, people are cowards and afraid of confrontation so if they decide they really don't want to continue to get to know someone it's easier to just disappear than to say a proper goodbye but really, it's rude and hurtful to the person especially if there's no good reason you don't want to continue the relationship.

At this stage in my life, every ghost is a knife in my back. I already feel unloved and unlovable and being ghosted is just confirmation that there's something wrong with me, that I'm not worth even the smallest effort. And it may have nothing to do with me at all, it may be that the ghoster is just a prick but my soul is hurting too much to absorb that. Because even if they're a prick, they are a prick that decided I wasn't worth any effort on their part.

Which is totally their loss because I'm delightful.

first week of "happy"

Ha ha, bet you thought I'd forgotten about 100 happy days, didn't you?

Nah, I just decided it would make more sense to post a week's worth of pictures rather than every day.

And, just like last time I did this, within 2 days of deciding to participate my world kind of tumbled in so I was seriously tempted to just quit after the first 2 pictures because I was having trouble finding any happy but I remembered how it helped last time so here I am.

Tuesday night I went to Epcot for this concert. It's a vocal group and band that covers pop hits but arrange them like 1940s standards (my favorite genre of music) so it's funny and entertaining and wonderful music at the same time. I enjoyed them so much that I attended all 3 concerts that night.

I don't love Florida but I do appreciate the fact that I live so close to Disney World because it gives me something to do with my time, it's a safe environment for me to be alone and there's lots of fun entertainment. I was lucky enough to be joined by a friend and her daughter for the middle concert. After that I stayed to watch the fireworks show - Illuminations - one last time before it ends on September 30. It was Taz's very favorite show so I went to honor his memory because it was something he would have done but it took its toll on my emotions and left me feeling vulnerable and raw.

I have now been driving Taz's car for over 10 months (my beloved purple RAV is dead in the driveway and I can't afford to get it fixed) and I never knew it had heated seats until Wednesday so that's something that made me happy. You know what they say - warm bottom, warm heart. Wait, they don't say that? Well, they should!

Sugar skulls are awesome! I have a thing for skulls, I have no idea where it started. Maybe I like them because it shocks people and I do love shocking people who have underestimated me.

This particular skull was out front of the restaurant where my office mates and I had lunch on Wednesday to say goodbye to our boss who was retiring. I love my coworkers so any time to socialize with them makes me happy and all the skull decoration in the restaurant was just icing on the cake. Not to mention it was nice to be out to eat which is something I don't get to do often these days.

Yes, this is a picture of Charlie and she always makes me happy but this particular picture is of her sleeping on my legs while I was watching a show on the big TV at work. I had just decided that morning to disconnect my cable TV and internet at home because I'm running out of money and don't know if I can pay the mortgage for much longer so I have to economize. Getting rid of the internet (and to a smaller degree, TV) scares me because I spend SO much time at home alone and not being able to easily connect to the outside world or distract myself with a funny show or romantic movie is going to make that time so much worse. If I'm being honest, I'm afraid it might push me over the edge but, hopefully, since I'm aware of the threat, I can keep it from happening.

Anyway, on the day this picture was taken (Friday) I was at the office alone and after I stopped crying, I went into the conference room and, for the first time since I'd started working there almost a year and a half ago, I turned on the big TV in there and discovered that it is hooked up to a streaming service so I can watch shows on it. Since I was there all by myself I decided to take a little break and watch something. Since Charlie goes to work with me most days she was there and jumped up on my lap. In that moment, I was happy. I was watching a show I really like with my best friend snoozing on my legs and I was getting paid for it.

All too soon my lunch break ended and the show finished and I was back to work but it was a really nice moment while it lasted. It doesn't solve the problem at home but hopefully, from time to time, I can enjoy a show at work.

Saturdays are for kicking back and relaxing and that's what I did this afternoon. I haven't slept well this week so it was really nice to snooze in the sun like Pooh. I am happiest out in the back with a book and a cold drink.

So there's my first happy week. We'll see what I come up with next week.

100 happy days

A few years ago, in 2015, I discovered something called 100 Happy Days where you post a picture of something that makes you happy each day for 100 days in a row. The idea is that if you focus on happy things, your attitude will be happy as well.

I thought it sounded fun and that year had been a bit tumultuous so I needed a little happy. Literally the next day Taz came home from work (we were living in Florida at the time) and said the company had run out of money so he was out of a job. What a time to have dedicated myself to finding the happy, right?

For some reason, even though it would have been so easy to decide not to go ahead with it, I decided to stick to the 100 happy days even when we decided to move back to California, even when we both had trouble finding new jobs, even when we were down to our last $20 in the bank and the mortgage payment was due and we had no food in the house.

The picture above was taken on the 100th day at the end of that summer. By that time Taz had a job in San Francisco and we could at least pay the mortgage and eat. Things were looking up-ish (for that moment at least, 2016 was a whole new story) and I truly believe we got through that summer relatively unscathed because of my focus on those 100 days.

So, as we only have 100 days left in 2019, I'm going to begin the experiment again. It doesn't mean I won't complain from time to time (grin) but at least once every day I'm going to post a picture of something that makes me happy. For today what makes me happy is that picture up there of my little family. I will always be grateful for each day we spent together, even the really sucky ones.

Get ready to get your socks blown off with happiness for the rest of the year!

fool

They say there's no fool like an old fool. Well, I'm old so I must be the foolishest fool there is.

I keep making the same mistake over and over again, trying to find new friends or even a potential romantic friend. I go places, attend events, make contact with hopes and dreams and expectations and every single time I end up disappointed because I'm not enough.

Case in point, my most recent mistake - I went to the Food and Wine Festival at Epcot on a Saturday night. Everybody knows that Saturday night is the worst. First of all there are the crowds, masses of people all stuck into one small space. Then there are the drunks - it is a WINE festival after all. Then there's the weather, it's still hot and humid here and you're walking around a concrete jungle that soaks up the heat and radiates it all around you until you feel like you're melting.

I never go to Epcot on a Saturday night even without a festival going on. So why did I this weekend?

A guy.

He and I are both members of a group. We'd never met or even talked to each other (except a couple of comments here and there on posts) but he's a widower and I've always figured we would at least have a lot of things to talk about and it's clear from his postings that he's ready to meet new people so when he posted that he'd be in Epcot Saturday night and would love for others to join him, I decided to put myself out there.

Who knows what happened but we never met up. Nobody else publicly answered his call for company and he never contacted me (should have been my first clue) but I went anyway because I figured nothing ventured, nothing gained.

So I started posting pictures of my visit to our group. I figured if he was interested in meeting up then he would contact me. My first stop was England so that I could pick up my new Pooh friend. I have a long history (from childhood through my relationship with Taz) with A.A. Milne's silly old bear. I'll post about that another time.

After buying Pooh and posting the picture I started to think about just going home. It was so crowded that I didn't even want to stand in line for any of the festival food. I sat on a bench for a very long time, checking my phone over and over, calling myself an idiot for believing once again that something magical could happen. And then something did, he responded to my post to say he was in Epcot too. I asked him some sort of question to see if he would suggest meeting up but then it was crickets, I didn't hear anything back. In spite of that, I decided to go back and brave the crowds and get something to eat because I was starving.

I got in the extremely long line for a lobster roll. It was pricier than pretty much everything else at the festival but I figured it was the only thing I was getting and I love lobster so it was worth it. While I was standing in line I saw that the guy had responded a couple more times, even sharing where he was going to be but, because of some phone weirdness, this was almost 30 minutes earlier so who knew if he was still there or not.

So I shared that I was standing in line at the American pavilion which was one country over from where he had been 30 minutes before. I figured if he was interested he would come my direction because I mentioned that I was stuck in a line so long I would probably be there for the rest of my life.

He "liked" that comment and then nothing.

I found a place to sit - not easy when half the world's population is hanging out with you - took out my Pooh and took some pictures with him when I wasn't obsessively checking my phone for a message. Not only was I a grown woman hanging out with a stuffed animal, I was dangerously close to hugging that stuffed animal tightly to me for comfort as I was feeling increasingly stupid for thinking that something would magically happen.

And then if I weren't already pathetic enough, I posted yet another picture to our group saying that I had found a great seat for the concert that was starting in 15 minutes. I look back and I cringe at how obviously desperate I must have looked. Please, pay attention to me!

And the guy "liked" that picture but still didn't try to suggest meeting up. And that's when I knew I was done. There used to be a book called "He's Just Not That Into You" and that's the phrase that went through my head. He wasn't interested in meeting up or talking or being friends or anything beyond that (because, of course, my mind had already gone there) because I wasn't enough.

He wasn't into me.

And guess what, that hurts just as much in my old age as it did when I was a teenager. It hurts when people don't want to be my friend, it hurts when men don't find me interesting enough to even attempt to get to know me, it hurts when anybody ghosts me, it makes me feel things I haven't felt in 3 decades, emotions I'd even forgotten existed, emotions I never wanted to feel again.

So after the concert finished and it was dark, Pooh and I went home. I was berating myself with each footstep for being an idiot and a fool, telling myself that I was done, I was never going to try to find friendship (or whatever) again.

But we all know I will.

Because I, my friends, am what they call a hopeless romantic, emphasis on the hopeless part. I want to - no, I HAVE to believe that love and friendship are out there, although maybe not for me. But I'll probably keep trying until I've run through every non-responsive man and potential friend out there. LOL Because if all I ever do is protect myself and sit on the couch, how do I know I'm not missing the one person out there who might actually want to get to know me? I'm sure there's got to be one, right?

But maybe I'll give it a rest for now and just hang out with my 2 best friends. I don't think my heart can take another rejection right now.

after the rage

All that rage coursing through your veins feels kind of amazing. You feel strong and powerful and in charge.

But eventually the anger wears off and you just feel alone because the reality is that nobody wants to come visit you or spend time with you which is really their loss because you're awesome and fun and pretty funny.

So you find yourself taking a nap at 6pm on Friday night because there's nothing else to do. And you silence your phone so that you won't be disturbed if someone texts but then you wake up later, look at the phone and realize that was a wasted effort because nobody was texting anyway.

And then you just feel kinda empty so you vow to figure it out once again and find a way to find some happiness by yourself.

rage

People suck.

I haven't heard from several people, including family members, in 10 months. Whatever.

But one of them contacted me recently to ask how I was and to let me know they'd been thinking about me and wanted to visit.

I was pretty proud of myself because I wasn't feeling too kindly towards them and didn't feel like being a hostess so I told them I wasn't feeling like company right now. Normally I would have swallowed my feelings in order to be polite. Always the nice girl.

Turns out, they actually wanted to come to Disney to see someone else and they were hoping to get a free room. Seeing me was waaaaaay down on their list, I was just a convenient place to drop off their luggage.

What the actual FUCK!?

I was at work when this all happened and I was by myself (with Charlie) so you should have heard my language. I stomped up and down the hall turning the air blue with all the f-bombs I dropped. The word bullshit was thrown around pretty liberally as well. For someone that never cusses, I can be quite creative with profanity when I need to. And believe me, I needed to this time!

Shortly afterwards my favorite coworker got in and made the mistake of asking me how I was. LOL I cleaned up my language a little for him but it was nice to share my outrage with another human instead of just writing about it. And by that time I totally saw the humor in all of it so we were both cracking up by the end of my story. As he said, family sucks.

I'm definitely going through the "anger" stage of grief these days. Not ever having been an angry person, it's a little weird to feel that emotion so strongly. It's tiring but also strangely liberating. I am so done being a doormat. I'm never going to be a bitch but I could probably do with a little more bitchiness in my life. Well, let's call it assertiveness, that sounds nicer. No matter what you call it, I'm going to stick up for myself a little bit more from now on.

And the thing is, I wouldn't care if somebody wanted to come to Disney and asked if they could stay with me. But don't try to pretend you're suddenly interested in seeing me when you haven't had the slightest interest before. I don't do that bullshit anymore.

pool

A friend recently asked why we bought a house in Florida and why we held on to it with all the ups and downs in our lives these past 19 years.

Heck if I know.

No really, there have been times I've wondered the same things myself. What were we thinking when we bought a house in freaking Florida when we lived in California?

Then I look out at my pool and I know what my main motivation was. I had always wanted a house with a pool, especially since we'd started vacationing at beach houses with pools when we lived in Virginia.

I'm not sure why Taz agreed to buy the Florida house except he couldn't think of a good reason not to...and he really wanted to make my pool dream come true.

And I am eternally grateful. Being able to spend weekends out in the back, swimming and reading by the pool, is pretty much the only thing that makes me feel normal these days.

Taz used to smile at me whenever he saw me out by the pool. It made him happy to see me so happy. I really hope it makes him happy up in heaven to see that I'm still spending as much time out there as I can.

what a week

Hey there, happy Friday the 13th! I'm not superstitious and I actually really like this particular day but wow, this whole week has felt like it was under some sort of curse so Friday the 13th can't help but be better in comparison.

Of course it started with Sunday's Lost Safari debacle.

Monday night I walked in to chorus a little late and all the chairs in my section were filled. I couldn't find any other chairs and suddenly the room was way too peopley so I turned around and walked right back out. It was a cowardly thing to do and Taz would have been disappointed in me but that's what I did.

Tuesday and Wednesday were super stressful at work to the point that I started to question why I had worked so hard to get this job in the first place and I felt trapped because I'm my sole support now (and not doing a very good job at it since I'm in the red each month) so I have to make this work.

Tuesday night wasn't bad, my team won at trivia (yay Fuzzy Tan Lines!) at the Cat Cafe, but my friends were talking about the Halloween party (at Disney) that they've been preparing for all year, making costumes for both their families. They always do a big group thing with the 2 families and I had so hoped to be invited to participate with them this year but I wasn't so that whole discussion left me feeling left out and alone. I hate feeling that way, it's so not me.

Then there's last night. Thursday at work wasn't bad, the job makes me happy again and I was especially looking forward to going to the movies with my Meetup group that night. It was a special preview of the Downton Abbey movie a week before it officially comes out.

The leader of our group, a really nice lady, had posted the event last month and I was the first person to sign up. I really wanted to see the movie and, although I often go to movies by myself and it's cool, I thought seeing this one in a group would be so much more fun. It's one of those theaters where you choose your seat ahead of time when you buy your ticket so I deliberately picked the seat next to the group leader because I wanted to get to know her better. The whole row was filled by our group.

A few days ago the group started commenting about how fun it would be to dress up a little for this movie - tiaras and top hats and a little 1920s flair - right up my alley and so fun!

I actually do have a tiara that I love but I couldn't find it anywhere last night so I grabbed a feathered headpiece that I had planned to wear for our 1920s themed 25th anniversary party a few years ago. The party ended up getting canceled when our beloved dog, Jasper, got sick (and later died) and we never were able to reschedule (and yes, I'm still bitter about it 8 years later LOL) so I figured it would be fun to finally get to wear the headpiece to the movie. I also put on a cute top that has an Edwardian vibe so I was covering all the decades of Downton.

Here was the group that gathered in the lobby. Some of the people went all out with their outfits! Notice that I'm carrying a sweater - I freeze in movie theaters.

We got into the theater and I was pleased to see that I was sitting next to a lady that I've met at a couple of other events and have always thought it would be nice to get to know her. Like me, she's one of the few in the group that isn't a senior citizen. We settled into our seats, chatting the whole time, and ordered some drinks. It's one of those dine-in theaters but I've found the food is just awful so I was content just getting popcorn. (Side note - the popcorn was awful too and I didn't even know you could ruin movie popcorn.)

Right after our orders were taken, the leader of the group entered the theater with a man.  I had never met him, he's her boyfriend, but I had heard plenty of things about him. I'm always inclined to give people the benefit of the doubt, I'll make up my own mind, but after seeing him interact with the woman sitting next to me, I knew all the stories I'd heard were true.

And I also knew what was about to happen next. He hadn't decided to come or get a ticket until that day so his seat was rows away from our whole group but, of course, the leader wanted to sit next to him during the movie so she asked if I would swap seats with him. And just like that I was out of the group and seated in outer Siberia.

Of course I could have said no but that would have made things awkward the rest of the night and defeated the purpose of trying to make new friends so whether I stayed in my original seat or I gave it up, the effect was the same.

I was pissed but I didn't show it, I walked down the steps to my new seat by myself...except I didn't stay by myself very long because all of a sudden the boyfriend bounced down into the seat next to me, like a lecherous old elf, and declared that he was going to keep me company until the movie started. He had an overly aggressive gaze and that used car salesman, creepy sort of "charm" but, unfortunately for him, I now had my bitchypants on. I don't take them out very often but when I do, nothing can get through my icy outer layer so he didn't end up staying very long. I had heard that he tries to hit on any woman in the group that isn't a senior and so now I had joined that club.

Once he was finally gone I decided being by myself wasn't so bad and I lost myself in the charm of the movie. I loved the original Downton Abbey series and watched each season both when it was on originally in England (through some Internet thing where it believes your computer is in England so it doesn't block you out) and then again when it was broadcast on PBS so I was happy to be back amongst the familiar faces of my Downton Abbey family.

The original series had wrapped up in such a satisfying way with everybody getting a happy ending. The movie didn't change any of that but found a way to give some characters even more happiness. Taz used to scoff at Hallmark movies because their endings were so predictably happy but I always told him that real life wasn't so generous, not everybody got a happy ending so I would take every movie happy ending that I could get. And now I can say "I told you so" to him because I certainly had my happy ending snatched away. So I loved the movie last night because they all got their happily ever afters.

Just because I loved the movie didn't mean I forgot how pissed I was or that I still didn't feel the sting of being pushed out of the group. When the movie ended I got up and marched out of the theater while the credits were still rolling. I didn't turn around and say goodbye to the group or even look at them. I needed to get home to my couch and Charlie. 

I went to bed pissed off and I woke up still feeling that way this morning.

Isn't that the greatest mug? A friend and former co-worker got that for me (she wanted me to use it around our boss) and I rarely feel the need to use it but sometimes, it's perfect; it definitely was this morning. I feel like the universe has it in for me and my quest to find new friends. WTF universe, I'm supposed to be alone forever? Nope, not going to accept that.

Right now I really want to leave reality behind and go on vacation. I would love to find myself laying back on a beach, letting the sun kiss my skin, and then reach out my hand to clasp the hand of someone that cares about me and wants nothing more than to be by my side.

Oh wait, I forgot - this is not a Hallmark movie.

lost safari...or just lost

I recently attended an event that I'd been looking forward to for weeks. It was one of those dress-up events at Disney, this one was called the Lost Safari Party.

I spent weeks coming up with the right costume that would invoke the spirit of the event but would work in the intense heat that is the hallmark of September in Florida.

I even posted a poll on Instagram to help me pick a hat

Then the day came to go and I was so excited. I had all these hopes that I would walk into the event by myself and find a welcoming group of people who could become new friends.

The day started well, Mickey and Minnie were very complimentary about my outfit. See my shorts? I found them for $3! And they are made from recycled bottles so they're even good for the environment. I had to get new khaki shorts because all my old ones are too big...it's the grief diet.

But then I met up with the group and instead of finding kindred spirits, I found myself feeling quite invisible. I can't even describe the feeling. We all went on the safari ride "together" but it was like I was on an island where I could see people laughing and joking together but they couldn't see me. There was no interaction. At least the animals were out before the heat of the day drove them in.

Partly, I'm sure, it was my own fault that I was invisible. I am very shy and although I tried to engage others in conversation, I guess I wasn't doing a very good job because they might (or might not) respond but then turned away and started talking animatedly with someone else. I guess I wasn't interesting enough.

There was a lunch period after the ride and in my fantasies I would have been invited along with the group. Instead I ate alone and contemplated just going home. But I couldn't because my friends were meeting up with me for the scavenger hunt portion of the day. And that made me feel guilty because I felt like they were only coming because they felt like they had to, not because it was something they really wanted to do. It was much too hot to be out and I felt bad that the kids were dragged along.

At least the scavenger hunt was fun. We got all the clues and finished this time so we got cute buttons. We had plans to do some rides after the hunt but it was so beastly hot that the adults decided to call it a day and go home. The kids were not too happy with that decision and I really felt bad because I'm sure, in their minds, they'd had to be along for the boring stuff but didn't get the reward of having some fun afterwards.

So I went home to Charlie feeling ambivalent about the whole thing. I had enjoyed myself, I do love dressing up. It was fun to be walking through the park with everybody in full safari gear, watching all the tourists stare at us and wonder what was going on. I had a great time with my friends but I don't ever want to feel like I'm a burden to them and that they *have* to show up for things they'd rather not do just so that I won't be alone.

Which was one of the reasons I had hoped to find my place in the group that sponsors this event, so that I'm not constantly relying on one set of friends, wearing them out with my neediness. So it was disappointing that that part of the day didn't work out the way I'd planned.

I know I've said this before but I hate that this is how my life has turned out. I know the story isn't over yet but I really, really despise this part of it and I'm so afraid this is where I'll get stuck because nothing I try to do to get past it seems to work. I've tried to make friends with so many different groups, tried to make a connection with individual people and I get nothing in return. It really sucks. I miss my old life so much.

This was me in the car at the end of the day. I look like I'd been through the wringer, don't I? I will say that I went home and jumped in the swimming pool, I almost didn't stop to put a swimsuit on, and I felt much better after that. My pool is the one part of my old life I will hang on to as long as I can.

over it

The hurricane has come and gone and now life goes back to normal...whatever that is.

The wind started picking up around 9pm and then the rain came. It rained pretty much all night but it didn't seem like there was much wind. I wouldn't really know, I went to bed at 10 and, although I woke up a couple of times, I slept through the whole storm until I woke up around 7.

All that stress and worry and it was a non-event. Which is good, I wouldn't want to be dealing with the damage we had with Irma 2 years ago, or worse, but it does seem rather anticlimactic.

Because the original forecast was pretty dire for our area, the local governments closed yesterday and today which means my work was closed even though the weather on both days was better than your usual summer day. I'll take a couple of days off, no problem!

So what did I learn from this experience? I learned that I can do whatever I set my mind to. I learned that I don't *need* help but I sure would have liked it. 

I learned that I really don't want to be alone but the reality is that if this scenario is going to happen again (and I live in Florida so it could even happen again in the next few weeks) I WILL be alone whether I like it or not.

And that sucks.

But there's nothing I can do about it except suck it up.

I'm tempted to just leave all the outdoor furniture right where it is but that means I wouldn't be able to enjoy the rest of September and October in the pool and I'm not going to do that to myself. I'm not going to dwell on the things that I'm not happy with and, instead, I'm going to put my time and energy into the things that bring me happiness.

The next few months are going to be tricky financially. All the hurricane buzz kind of let me willfully forget about that but it's hitting me in the face right now so I'm going to go out and search for all the happiness I can, wherever I can find it.

But first, I have to go wiggle my car out of the garage again.

Day 5 or 6, I can't remember anymore

See that face up there? It's not pretty. There are no filters. That's how I looked right after I GOT THE CAR IN THE GARAGE!!

Yes, I got the door open, moved a bunch of stuff, tried to get the car squeezed in, moved some more stuff and then drove that baby right in there! First time we've had a car in the garage in 19 years. I am awesome.

With the door open I also moved in all the dead branches (there were quite a few) and the 2 empty garbage cans so that they wouldn't blow around in the wind.

While moving stuff around I ran across one of the shoes Taz used to use when mowing the lawn. That hurt. I don't know where the other one is; I didn't go looking for it. 

I moved all the outside stuff either inside or stacked close to the sliding glass door. Even the pool toys now have a home inside my tub.

Right before a hurricane the humidity goes through the roof so moving all this stuff around was hot work and I ended up changing my clothes 3 times yesterday. Part of the time I just moved things while wearing my swimsuit so that I could get in the pool to cool off.

And after all that work, that hurricane is soooooooooo slow. And thinking of what the people of the Bahamas have gone through is painful. The devastation is horrible and my heart hurts for them. 

Because it's taking so long and the forecast keeps changing from day to day, I ended up with a couple of days off work when the weather really wasn't too bad. So when one of my friends texted last night and asked if I wanted to join her family (my kids!) at Disney and we could go check out the new Star Wars land, I jumped at the chance.

I almost didn't make it though because just getting the car out of the garage was an adventure this morning. I tried to open the garage door from the outside but it was locked. So I went inside the garage and squeezed down the passenger side of the car but couldn't open the door from that side. The locking mechanism is in the middle of the garage but I couldn't get around the back of the car. Couldn't get around the front either because I had the car wedged in just the right amount of space. I really didn't want to have to call and say I couldn't go play because I was stuck in the garage. I ended up going in through the passenger door of the front seat (there's a kid seat in the back) and maneuvering across the front seat so that I could get out of the driver's side door. It has been a LONG time since I've needed to do any contortions in the front (or back) seat of a car so it probably wasn't too pretty but it got the job done. I was finally able to get the garage door open and back my car out. Of course, none of this would have happened if we'd gotten an automatic door opener installed the way I always wanted to...just sayin'.

It was an awesome morning, the weather was perfect and the crowds were pretty light. This is a new area of the park that just opened up last week and usually the wait times are horrendous but with the park closing early because of the weather and all the tourists staying away, we figured this might be our best chance and we were right.

We left before they could kick us out and said our goodbyes. They were going off to stay at a Disney hotel for the storm. I am now back at home with Charlie waiting to see what happens. The wind is picking up now but they're saying we probably won't get the biggest part of the wind and rain until after midnight. I'm hoping I can sleep through it but I probably won't. At least tomorrow is another day off so I can catch up on my sleep then.

Thanks for reading all this, I wanted to document it because the memories will fade as the years go by. This has been a long week of waiting and it's dredged up some emotions. I'm really looking forward to things settling back down.