rage

People suck.

I haven't heard from several people, including family members, in 10 months. Whatever.

But one of them contacted me recently to ask how I was and to let me know they'd been thinking about me and wanted to visit.

I was pretty proud of myself because I wasn't feeling too kindly towards them and didn't feel like being a hostess so I told them I wasn't feeling like company right now. Normally I would have swallowed my feelings in order to be polite. Always the nice girl.

Turns out, they actually wanted to come to Disney to see someone else and they were hoping to get a free room. Seeing me was waaaaaay down on their list, I was just a convenient place to drop off their luggage.

What the actual FUCK!?

I was at work when this all happened and I was by myself (with Charlie) so you should have heard my language. I stomped up and down the hall turning the air blue with all the f-bombs I dropped. The word bullshit was thrown around pretty liberally as well. For someone that never cusses, I can be quite creative with profanity when I need to. And believe me, I needed to this time!

Shortly afterwards my favorite coworker got in and made the mistake of asking me how I was. LOL I cleaned up my language a little for him but it was nice to share my outrage with another human instead of just writing about it. And by that time I totally saw the humor in all of it so we were both cracking up by the end of my story. As he said, family sucks.

I'm definitely going through the "anger" stage of grief these days. Not ever having been an angry person, it's a little weird to feel that emotion so strongly. It's tiring but also strangely liberating. I am so done being a doormat. I'm never going to be a bitch but I could probably do with a little more bitchiness in my life. Well, let's call it assertiveness, that sounds nicer. No matter what you call it, I'm going to stick up for myself a little bit more from now on.

And the thing is, I wouldn't care if somebody wanted to come to Disney and asked if they could stay with me. But don't try to pretend you're suddenly interested in seeing me when you haven't had the slightest interest before. I don't do that bullshit anymore.