mother's day

It's Mother's Day here in the US and I'm sure it's a very different Mother's Day for many people.

It's just a normal day for me now but I had lovely mother's days in the past. Although I never gave birth to my babies (I know I will see them in Heaven) Taz always made sure that the dogs remembered me on Mother's Day with cards and special meals and sometimes presents. Right now I'm wearing the ring that he gave me on the last Mother's day in 2018.

Mother's Day was bittersweet for him, his own mother, my beloved mother in law, died on Mother's Day and although it was a different date each year, I know that he couldn't help but think of her and his loss each year on the holiday. Kind of like how I'll always feel about Thanksgiving from now on.

But this year, I received a lovely Mother's Day present in the form of getting to see my own mother from a distance.

So this is my mama, she will be 98 next month! This picture was taken on March 23 which was the last time I was able to sit with her for a short visit. Her nursing home has been on lockdown since early March and they allowed just this one afternoon for a quick outdoor visit. The lockdown has been extended until July now so who knows if I'll ever get this chance again.

So when the nursing home wrote and said they were having a drive-by parade for Mother's Day, I quickly took a day off work and made plans to attend.

I worked on a poster to put on my car, something that could be hung in her room afterwards. I asked all my family to send pictures. 3 out of my 4 "siblings" sent something as did my brother in law. I couldn't use all the pictures (but I have plans to use everything for a birthday present for her next month) but I made sure that each family that sent something was represented. 

I arrived at the parking lot of the home at the designated time, decorated my car and waited to pull into place.

They started to bring the residents out to the sidewalk so Charlie and I walked around, me with a mask of course, to see if we could find my mom but I didn't see her. I started to worry I would be able to find her as I drove by.

We got the signal and pulled our cars into position and started driving around the building. Right away, as I pulled out of the parking lot, I could see my mother sitting in a wheelchair, staring blankly. I pulled alongside her and shouted to get her attention. I could see the confused expression in her eyes (the rest of her was masked up) and I know she didn't recognize me but I did see a glimmer of recognition when I held Charlie up for her to see.

I drove around the rest of the building very slowly, holding Charlie in my lap and making her wave her little paw at everybody. I could hear just about everybody, residents and staff alike, commenting on the cute little dog. She did look absolutely adorable in her little dress harness, waving her paw at everybody. She was enjoying herself too.

Back around to my mother who seemed to be scanning the road anxiously, stopped by her and this time she knew who I was but the only thing she said was - Charlie. LOL The nurses all laughed. I held Charlie up to the passenger window so that mother could get a better look. 

Right across from the nursing home there was a guy, who is probably a "resident" but has his own independent house, out there playing the keyboard for everybody. He was playing my favorite 1940s music and it set such a festive tone. I shouted out the window and thanked him for the lovely music.

I loved seeing my mother but I was also enjoying waving and talking to all the other residents. I saw staff members that I've met throughout the years and so many people exclaimed over the poster and I could hear them say "that's Miz Craven's daughter" as I drove past. I also heard quite a few people mention Charlie by name so I guess my mother has been talking about her granddog.

On my final trip around the building I stopped for a good long time (other cars just drove around me) and handed off a Mother's Day card and the poster to the nurses. My mother was fully aware of who I was by this point and we exchanged I love yous. I could see she was getting emotional, this time isolated from each other has been hard. Her nurse told me that she'd had a heck of a time getting my mother out of bed and dressed that morning, she had NOT wanted to come out and participate. So I asked my mother if she was glad the nurse had insisted and she smiled real big and said "oh yes!" and thanked the nurse. Hopefully that made it better, I am well aware that my mother can be a tad stubborn (I am doubled over in laughter as I type "tad" because my whole family knows my mother invented stubborn) and probably was grumpy (obstinate is more like it) about doing something she didn't want to do.

Then I had to drive away, not knowing when I'll see her again. I hate this part but it's also taught me a valuable lesson.

My relationship with my mother has been complicated all these years and if you'd told me the day would come when I would miss visiting her, I would have laughed you out of the room. But now I know that I do miss her. She's not been a "mother" for years, she's not someone I could go to with my troubles and receive comfort, even before the dementia, but I do care about her and I hate having to stay away and I now know I'll miss her when she's gone and I pray that it won't happen during this time...especially not when I'm working so hard to get her financial situation all settled. She used to joke that she wanted to live to be 100 and I would cringe inside because I honestly didn't know if I could deal with her that long but once I get her settled into this place forever with no worries about money for her care, I would like to see her make the century mark as long as she's relatively comfortable. I used to begrudge the time I had to spend running down there to visit her because it took away fun weekend time from Taz and although he never complained about it, he did look forward to a time when I didn't have that obligation. Now, I've got nothing but time.

After the parade I was on an emotional high and that felt so good (it's been so long) that I decided to visit my favorite shop down in my mother's town - the hardware store.

Believe me, this isn't your typical hardware store. Yes, it has tools and things but it also has home decor and jewelry! In fact, some of my best earrings have come from this store, I just love it there. Taz used to joke and ask, what earrings did you buy today every time I came home. So, I masked up and went in. Oh it was wonderful to be in a store again, looking around, enjoying everything. I couldn't stay long, Charlie was hanging out in the car (I remote started it so the air conditioning was running but it only stays on for 10 minutes or so and then shuts off) so I made a quick circuit around the store. I was also on a mission, I planned on getting some takeout for lunch and if I had any hope of enjoying it, I really NEEDED to use the bathroom! This store has a nice little private bathroom just for customers in the back stock room of the store so most people don't even know it's there so I felt it was about the safest public restroom I could use.

As you can see, even with my quick in and out visit, I managed to find something I couldn't live without. I love dragonflies, they have a special symbolism to me so these earrings were perfect. It may be shallow of me but it was really nice to have a little present; I've always known that my particular love language is gifts - I like giving them and I like receiving them, even if I have to give them to myself.

So that was my mother's day outing. The actual day will be quiet for me although all sorts of Mother's Day festivities are taking place at the house. I am trying to make myself scarce and out of the way so that they can enjoy the day as a family. At some point Charlie and I will steal away to get takeout food and have a car picnic. I've been having a mad craving for Mexican food so I just have to decide which of the two local places to order from. Luckily it's a cool-ish day here and cloudy so it will be quite comfortable in the car. Maybe we can drive to a local park and enjoy a little outdoor time as well. 

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there!