christmas miracle

Christmas is a time for miracles.

I've heard that all my life but since I'd never experienced one I had kind of given up on that kind of thinking. 

Until now.

There is no doubt that I needed a miracle this Christmas, I just needed some help to hang on. All the things were keeping me up at night and I didn't know what to do. I was so scared.

And then yesterday I learned that someone had given exactly the sort of help I so desperately needed. I had my Christmas miracle and I am humbled and so grateful. And so mystified because I don't know who this person is.

I'm a really independent person or at least I try to be. I almost never ask for help and, for some reason, it's really hard for me to accept help. It's not that I don't appreciate it, it's more that I hate to burden anyone or inconvenience them, it makes me feel guilty and so I almost always turn down offers of help and then kick myself. So there is a huge part of me that knows I would return this person's help if I knew who they were even though doing so would doom me. So maybe it's better that I never know. 

But I want to thank them because they'll never know how much this means, how very grateful I am, how amazing it feels to know someone cares, how it's making me cry right now as I type this (which is really inconvenient because I'm at work) how I'm never going to forget this and I'm going to pay it forward for the rest of my life.

Christmas is a time for miracles. I'm never going to doubt that again.