Ignore all that crap I wrote earlier today.
I had planned to treat myself to Christmas Eve lunch/early dinner at Cracker Barrel because it has become my go-to place for solitary holiday meals and because I have a gift card so I could "afford" it.
Joke's on me, they closed at 2 today and with that my fragile control over my emotions has snapped. I haven't stopped crying yet.
And I feel like a real loser for thinking I had this, I was going to be so strong this Christmas.
I don't have this. I'm sad and lonely and feeling defeated at the moment. I'm sure I'll be better tomorrow but not right now.
Sorry if that makes you think less of me. I'm not very proud of myself right now either.
"I'd like to add some beauty to life," said Anne dreamily. "I don't exactly want to make people KNOW more... though I know that IS the noblest ambition... but I'd love to make them have a pleasanter time because of me... to have some little joy or happy thought that would never have existed if I hadn't been born.” ― L.M. Montgomery, Anne's House of Dreams
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