fortress of solitude

One last note about yesterday - I've been thinking a lot today about love and connections. 

Only once in my life have I felt an instant connection with someone and it actually wasn't with Taz (he and I were friends for over a year before we ever dated) but, unfortunately, the person in question didn't feel the same (or didn't want to) and disappeared from my life as fast as he could. Whatever, his loss.

But I know how a real connection feels and it's awesome. 

I also know what it feels like to really like a person, want to spend more time with them but there isn't that spark, at least not right away. That's how I felt yesterday and I'm pretty sure he felt exactly the same. I know that feelings can grow and change. Once Taz and I embarked on dating, the connection came swift and strong and never left.

But now that I know how the instant connection thing feels, that's what I want and that's what I'm holding out for. I have to believe that's out there for me. I want someone who thinks I'm the most amazing girl they've ever met. Not that I won't enjoy being friends without benefits because who doesn't need an extra friend especially one that enjoys some of the same things you do? 

But until I find that *one* I'm going to make sure I'm taking care of myself in my new living situation. Things have gotten slightly better since my last post about it. The mountain of boxes has been reduced greatly and I don't feel completely trapped, at least not most days. 

I'm learning to remove myself when I'm feeling overwhelmed or there is just too much noise or even if I'm just bored by what everybody else is doing. I'm stocking up on snacks and building my own Fortress of Solitude in my room. It's really very comfortable in there, even the kids say they really like my room. I love my couch, I love watching TV on my laptop or even reading quietly. I think my fortress is going to save me. I need to know I have a place to escape to as I learn how to adjust to all of this.

Things with Charlie and the cats seem to be working out better than we could have hoped. Charlie and BlackBerry not only tolerate each other but they really like each other and spend time hanging out. Charlie likes to kiss BlackBerry often and just a few minutes ago I saw BlackBerry walk over to Charlie, on another couch, and touch noses so she doesn't hate the kisses as much as she pretends to. She's a darling cat and I really enjoy living with her.

Her brother, Loki, is still having trouble settling in, hides all the time and thinks Charlie is the devil. He runs away from her which, of course, just makes her want to chase him. The other night he was sleeping in my room, unbeknownst to me, and you should have seen his face when Charlie and I walked in and shut the door. He dived under my dresser and his mom had to crawl on the floor and pull him out. I felt bad for him, he was so clearly terrified. But he hides all the time, even from the kids, so I don't expect things to get much better on that front. At least we have had no cat/dog confrontations or fights.

Speaking of solitude, I have glorious solitude tonight. The family decided to take advantage of the holiday weekend and go to the beach overnight. I was invited, which was sweet, but they are celebrating a dating anniversary and we would all be sharing a room and seriously, in my current state of deprivation the last thing I need is to see a couple in the next bed spooning each other all night. It might just send me over the edge so that I'd be seeking benefits with my new friendship.