the last supper

Last night was the last night in *my* house. From now on it will be *our* house.

So I decided to go all out and make myself a nice steak for dinner. I haven't had a steak in forever and it just seemed right - a last supper of sorts.

Well, it was right until the smoke alarm went off. LOL I hadn't even started cooking yet but I was heating up the pan so that I could sear the steak and I guess the smoke alarm didn't like all that heat. Charlie didn't like the smoke alarm, she ran out to the back as soon as I opened the door and stood out there shaking, refusing to come back in even after the noise stopped.

She decided to join me pretty quickly when I started eating, of course; she's no dummy. The steak was done perfectly which is practically a miracle because I usually overcook it. It wasn't as tasty as Taz's steaks, he had some super secret marinade that he made up and I'll never be able to recreate it, but I improvised and it tasted good.

I have not let myself drink anything alcoholic for over a year. I've never been much of a drinker anyway but I know how tempting it could be to try to drink away my grief and I never wanted to do that so I have just stayed far away. However last night I decided to treat myself to the watermelon cooler that my brother in law left in the refrigerator last July. Quite tasty so I was pleased to see another one in the back of the fridge this morning. That will be a nice little treat somewhere down the road.

Yesterday it hit me that I really need a robe just in case someone knocks on my door in the middle of the night; I don't want to be tripping over myself trying to pull pajamas on. It also occurs to me that I need to remember to lock my door every night as we don't want any shocking surprises.

So I ran out last night and found the biggest, softest robe out there - full coverage and cozy comfort. I'm already kind of in love with it; I don't know why I've never had one before. You can see a little peak of my hot cocoa station in the bathroom. I'm all ready for my new morning routine.

Throughout this year I've wondered what Taz would think of me renting out the rooms and having our dear friends move in with me. On the one hand he'd hate it because it would mean he failed in (what he thought of as) his one mission - to take care of me and make sure that I never struggled financially. But hopefully being up in heaven has given him greater perspective and he's up there smiling, knowing that things have worked out the way they're supposed to and that I'll be with people that love me. He loved them as much as I do and we have been friends since even before the kids were born. 

And maybe, just maybe, he's given me a sign. Taz loved sunflower seeds. This morning I saw something underneath the loveseat, reached down and pulled out a whole sunflower seed. I'm taking it as a sign of his blessing on my new road ahead. If that's foolish then let me be foolish as long as I can.