perspective

There it is - my first selfie of 2020! Um yes, that's a Hallmark movie playing at my desk. Shh, don't tell anyone that I watch movies when I'm at work by myself.

So I've been thinking a lot about perspective lately. Sometimes all it takes is a slight change and things that seemed impossible just fall into place.

Small case in point - when I went out to lunch with Taz's former co-worker the other day he and his wife gave me a $50 gift card to Outback. Totally unexpected and so generous and yet my first thought was "That was so sweet of them but I can't use this, I don't have anybody to go out to dinner with" and that made me sad. I'm so used to thinking of everything with the perspective of being a couple that approaching things as a single sometimes defeats me before I even get out of the gate.

I spent several days continuing to think this way but then suddenly I shifted my perspective a little to the left and realized that Outback does takeout, they even have parking spaces dedicated to takeout customers (I have an Outback right down the street from me so I must have been driving past their parking lot at the time of this revelation) and my huge gift card could provide a LOT of takeout for me...and Charlie. Suddenly, rather than being a burden, that gift card really was a GIFT. 

And I don't know why I didn't think of it before, I have certainly gotten takeaway from that Outback over the years (and eaten it while in the pool which is the ultimate in decadence) but I was so busy looking at it through the lens of loss that I almost cheated myself out of some good food.

Another recent perspective thing came up yesterday when I was clearing out a dresser that I'm giving to the kids. Getting rid of the stuff in the dresser wasn't so bad, it was mostly tops that are too big for me now, but I couldn't figure out what to do with the earring holder and other things that have always resided on top of that dresser.

Then I looked in at my bathroom which has counters on each side of the room. One counter is mine and it's filled with makeup and other girl crap. The other counter was Taz's and it's empty. It wasn't always empty, I kept it just like he left it (filled with boy crap) for most of the year but had to clean it up in August when I went away to Virginia and had my godfamily housesit Charlie.

So there I was with a totally empty side of the bathroom just doing nothing and I suddenly realized that one of the "benefits" of being single was that I could spread out and use both sides of the bathroom now. Hey there has to be some benefit!

And so that's where the jewelry is now although I admit that I am having a little trouble getting used to it. I walked out of the bathroom 3 times this morning headed to the dresser before I realized that my earrings and necklaces were no longer there.

I'm going to turn the rest of that counter into my own personal snack station. I figure I will be spending more time in my room so I'll be moving my hot cocoa maker (otherwise known as a coffee machine to real adults) into the bathroom and putting together a snack drawer so that I don't have to throw on clothes to go to the kitchen for a midnight snack. My days of naked rambling through the house are over, I'm afraid. I guess that also means no more midnight skinny dipping either, darn it. That was kind of the best part of my summer.

I've also ordered the cutest retro mini-fridge that will sit on the counter so that I can indulge in sodas (or adult beverages) without setting a bad example for the kids.

And yes, that adorable mug up there will have to be kept in my room. I have a feeling the parents would not appreciate one of the kids running across that. I love that mug, sometimes it's a perfect reflection of my mood.

I'm really going to work on this perspective thing because I know the coming weeks are going to be difficult for me. As excited as I am about my godfamily moving in, and as relieved as I am about being able to afford my mortgage again (I wouldn't have been able to pay December's payment without my mysterious benefactor. As it was I didn't pay December until the 30th) I am still nervous about having people in my house, sharing my space. I'm not very good about that sort of thing, as we learned during my roommate disaster of last summer. Heck it took a whole year of marriage for me to get used to living with Taz and I was barely an adult at that time; my routines are way more embedded now.

So I'm going to work on perspective and I'm also going to make sure I have a little nest of my own to retreat to when things get a little too peopley at my house. As an introvert, I know I need to take care of myself in that way.

And finally, music is my answer to every question. So many songs on the radio speak to me right now but this one is especially meaningful. Hope you enjoy.