love

I follow a lot of widows on Instagram. There's something comforting about reading the words of others who are walking the same path. 

Lately there have been quite a few who have announced new boyfriends, engagements and weddings. It makes my heart happy to see these women find love again after such sorrow and grief and loneliness.

Whenever a widow finds love again there are equal parts joy and guilt. The topic of soulmates comes up frequently because of course you believe you were married to your soulmate but, especially if you're young, the idea of never having that kind of love in your life again is hard to comprehend but if you already married your soulmate, then is that all you get?

It's made me think of what I believe about soulmates. I do believe in the idea of soulmates. I firmly believe that Mr. T and I were destined to meet, fall in love and be together however I've never felt that it's only one soulmate to a person. But I don't know.

To be honest, the idea of being that vulnerable to another human again scares the crap out of me. I can't even imagine going through the motions of getting to know someone new. That whole process of going from strangers to knowing another person inside and out is pretty much a mystery to me. Mr. T and I met so long ago, we were just babies. We were just a couple of kids who kind of grew up together. We had each other's backs.

 I can't even imagine doing it again.

It's hard enough just to make new friends as an adult. To think of trusting somebody with your heart, that's a big no from me. At least for now.

 
 Here's my soulmate, my best friend. I definitely trust her with my heart.